The World of Words

Leap of Faith

2011-10-12T19:17:00.000-07:00

Life is a funny thing. It makes you wait and it makes you wait some more. Finally, it gives you what you want. That is the best thing that could happen to anyone. For that matter. The wait feels like it was nothing.

However, when what you want is presented, there's always a fine line or a catch that comes with it. I guess the catch or the fine line is there to see how much you want it. How much you are willing to sacrifice o get what you want.

Yes, Alhamdulillah, finally i am halfway to get what I have always wanted. To work in broadcasting line (at the moment of speaking/writing, I am yet to wait for my current workplace to release me). The pay is not that much but i guess that's the sacrifice that I have to make. Well nothing comes for free right? It doesn't matter though, cause this is what I want and opportunities like this doesn't present itself very often.

So here I am at the edge of a cliff, preparing myself to take that leap that might take me to the other side or fall flat on my face. Either one, I would still end up happy cause I know at the end of the day, I can say, "hey at least I gave it a try and I did damn well at it..."

Anyways, I was given an opportunity to be on the set of the show before I even start the job. It was fun, hectic and kancheong but fun nevertheless. I guess because this is what I have always wanted to do so it doesn't feel as nerve wrecking as it is.

Anyways below are some pics of my experience.

The Set

The Infamous Control Room --->

<--- My 1st "assignment" managed to grab Dato Seri Effendi Norwawi for an interview

With Miss Vanessa Chong a.k.a Mrs Moots! --->

Interviewing Miss Chermaine Poo ^
<-- Ms or Mr Liberty!

<---Ayesyah interviewing Miss Chelsia Ng

Me managed to grab hold of Miss Paris Hilton for a short interview --->

Well i hope many more would come because i really enjoy doing this sort of stuff. Also hopefully better things will come my way in this line of work. InsyaAllah...

Moral here is chase your dream no matter how difficult it is or how u feel like it leads no where cause at the end of the day it will get you somewhere!

Of Patience and Luck

2011-09-07T00:07:00.000-07:00

Patience is a virtue.

Good things come to those who waits.

These are the things that we often hear when we talk about waiting for something to happen.

This is true to a certain extend. However, the question here would be how long can a person wait?

How long can a person endure the anxiety of waiting?

How certain are we that when we wait the good thing will come?

Or would death and defeat knocks on our door first before lady victorious greets us with her embrace?

I am not questioning God's work. I'm questioning men's ability to withstand the testing power of time, failure and pain.

We are not strong, but if you notice, there's something inside us that keeps us holding on. Even on that one fine strand of hope.

However, how many of us would actually pay attention to that tiny voice or spark of light that keeps on saying "hold on... hold on..."?

We hate being mislead with false alarm or false hope. How would we know that it is not?

However, like the American writer, Arthur Bloch said, "Every clarification breeds new questions" it shows that the more answer i have, the more questions i will start to ask... so sometimes

I have a lot of questions but few answers. Some might not answer the question.

I don't like this...

I often had bad encounters with Lady Luck. It seems like she doesn't want to be around me. I have no idea why. I really hope that she will be around because Mr Patience is getting to his boiling point, and he is ready to pack his bag and leave. I'm worried that Death and Defeat will fill the vacant space and breeds Bitter and Sorrow. That will be bad...i mean really really bad...

p.s: Irish, are they REALLY lucky?

The Joys in Life

2011-06-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah after a few years of trying, this year has been good so far.

1. I was given the opportunity to host a show. On my own. A show called Pencak. A show that showcases 13 different types of silat from around Malaysia.

I know I might be the last person for people to imagine to be learning silat. But hey i represent the laymen who have no basic of silat at all. Yeah was a fun journey. Tiring but fun. Alhamdulillah... With that i managed to travel to several places that i might not go for no reason. It was truly an adventure of its own and i learnt alot.

InsyaAllah and hopefully it will be out after raya. And hopefully more job coming after that. Amiiiiiin...

oh and here are some pix ;)

In Kuantan, Pahang

In Kota Bharu, Kelantan.

In Kuala Terengganu, Terengganu

In Johor Bharu, Johor (before kene belasah)

In Umbai, Melaka.

In KL

2. For two years in a row, PNB has hired me to be their Quizmater for their gameshow.

One of PNB Quiz in Ipoh.

Alhamdulillah. This shows that i did a good job and they trust in me to handle the event again. InsyaAllah more to come amiiiiiin...

On top of that, i am working at a place where the boss understands what i do and given me the levy to do it so as long as i do not neglect my responsibilites here.

Alhamdulillah all goes well... hopefully this will go on... InsyaAllah...

Hopes and dreams do come true it is only a matter of time and effort and it will come when we least expected it.

Toodles!
xoxo

Of Roller Coaster Ride and Nora Elena

2011-06-16T17:58:00.000-07:00

Yes dalam title aku ada nama Nora Elena. Y? Sebab this show has somewhat become a phenomenon among Malaysians be it guys or girls.
I shall not give you the synopsis of the story buy you can go to www.tonton.com.my and watch the show on your own. The full episode.

Having said that, that's it about Nora Elena.

Next topic, roller coaster. I just l

ove it. Don't ya? I mean the adrenalin, the uncertainty and the suprise t

urn and plunge is just fantastic.

Same goes with life. A lot of twist and turn. You have the boring flat line, then you have the tiring climb and then the excitement of the whole ride. Then, you will come back to the end of the ride. Well, if you want to and if you can, you can do it again... but it all depends.

Same goes with my life.I am not on my very own roller coaster ride. I had my share of flat line and tiring climb and now Alhamdulillah i am enjoying the ride and savouring ever moments of it.

Alhamdulillah, I really hope i don't have to come back to the station anytime soon. I have a lot more to learn and grab on the ride.

Let's hope that all goes well for all of us. InsyaAllah...

p/s hopefully i wont barf throughout the ride huhuhuhu

it breaks the barrier

2011-02-06T16:17:00.000-08:00

aishiteru, ich liebe dich, j'taime, te qiero, 당신을 사랑합니다, أحبك

funny how we basically know what these words mean when we don't even have the knowledge of the language.
Just like love, music breaks the language barriers that at times dampen our spirit in getting to know something.

Imagine, how a Malay girl could enjoy BigBang, Super Junior or even Wondergirls so much without understanding a single thing these people are singing.

Or imagine how an Iranian guy enjoys listening to Alize when he does not speak a single french word (not even french toast or french fries).

true, their likings to the music may be based on the fact that these singers are pretty to look at. However you can't possibly just stare at their faces without having a slight interest in the music, right?

This is the wonder of music. It goes beyond language. One might not be able to understand the mening of the song but is still able to enjoy the music. How could this be possible? Well I believe that the answer lies within. Within the arrangement and the delivery of the music/song. We might not be able to understand completely the meaning of the song but when we lsiten to the way the singer sings the song, we can tell that it's a sad song or a happy song.

Consequently (did i just use this word?) we will be affected by it, we might smile to the song or get all emotional and all, without having to have the ability to speak the language. Songs are not like movies that have subtitles or pictures (they do have in videoclips but not all videoclips are relevant to the song) so, it makes it even more wonderful how we can feel what the singer,songwriter and composer are trying to tell us.

Having said that, let's enjoy this lovely song by Virginia Labuat entitled, Soy Tu Aire which means I am your air. Enjoy!

Kentut

2010-10-19T18:02:00.001-07:00

Busuk, tapi perlu

Grow a Pair

2010-10-19T17:59:00.000-07:00

More often than not, people would always say "no hard feelings" or "no offence" after saying something offensive. Seriously I think that’s bullcrap.

I mean think about it, does that phrase give you some license or freedom to say what u need to say? And expecting people not to get offended by it?

Example:

“Hey you look fat and ugly today, no hard feelings eh?”

Would you seriously think that the other person would say “hey, it’s alright, I know I’m fat and ugly”

WRONG! Well the person (if he/she is polite) would just smile politely and disregard the issue. However, that does not mean that, he/she is okay with it. I bet deep inside that person was cursing you like nobody’s business.

I do not know how to deal with this. I mean if you want to say hurtful things, just say it and please by all means drop the sugar coated “no hard feelings” or “no offence” crap. Plus do not try to make it better by saying “oh by the way, u look nice in that shirt” WTF? First you said I was ugly now u said I look good? Seriously you need to make up your mind.

In a nut shell: Grow a pair and say it directly without any sugar coating. (especially to me)

It was a gleek fest! (a review)

2010-05-13T06:46:00.000-07:00

I was lucky to be part of the recent Glee Flash Mob Dance: KL Chapter
Location: Gardens Kuala Lumpur
Date: 8th May 2010

This is merely a review of the event.

My First BABY!!!

2010-05-13T06:44:00.000-07:00

No that was not me singing...

My New Addiction

2010-05-13T06:30:00.000-07:00

To those who know me, they know that i really want to be in front of the camera as a TV presenter however, luck is not on my side. whatevs, so after months of thinking, I figures, since I can't be on TV why not i create something so that I will feel like I am hosting something on TV (yeah i am THAT obsessed with myself)

I managed to come up with my own channel on youtube

check me out at

www.youtube.com/mrfalliq

leave a comment at my videos and please do subscribe.

i need all your support.

thank you and lotsa love!!

when dream shatters

2010-04-01T22:45:00.000-07:00

well... sorry for being dramatic in the title.

let's be frank, only a handful of lucky bastards are able to achieve their dream (through hard way and the easy way) what happened to the rest?

you know, dreams are like pieces of thin glass, it is so difficult to make yet it is so fragile that it can be broken into pieces anytime.

i am never a pessimistic person. i always believe that whatever happens, there must be a very logical reason behind it. or something else awaits me i this dream does not come true. But to what extend can we actually hold on?

i am not whining just expressing my feelings.

i don't remember the time when i was accepted to do something because of what i am good at.

i will always get blind sided due to my looks, my inexperience, my background etc. There are always reasons for me not to be accepted to be part of something. While the only thing that I have is not enough to ensure my place there.

damn it!

i REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT THAT JOB! I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO WORK THERE... ANYTHING

-that's it-

indispensable

2010-03-20T21:17:00.000-07:00

"really?" that's what people would say.
"oh... definitely" that's what the response should be.

oh... really...

disposable

2010-03-05T19:17:00.001-08:00

semua pun sama expect ME to understand others
orang lain? ada paham aq? ada nak ambil masa nak taw what i go through.

sama je

bila susah bila buntu carik la aku

bila senang buang lah aku

tak pe

i am a disposable friend.

use me n when ur done, please dispose me.

thank you

Kerja Tolak Kertas

2009-11-24T19:32:00.000-08:00

a: Ape yang kita buat ni ye?

b: -senyap-

a: kenapa kita buat benda-benda ni ye?

b: -senyap lagi-

a: apa yang kita dapat kalau buat menda-menda ni wei?

b: -sunyi-

a: nape ko senyap wei?

b: -sunyi lagi-

a: dah la aku malas nak buat!

b: -senyum-

a: kenapa senyum-senyum plak ni?

b: -senyum nampak gigi-

a: (bengang terus blah)

benda lama yang tak di usap pasti berkarat?

2009-11-18T00:19:00.000-08:00

17/11
Ari ni aq menembak lagi. Lama gak tak buat keje2 ni.

Rindu.

Dapat la berjumpa lagi dgn orang-orang yang pernah aku berkerja dulu. Especially Cheryl (Ghost) dan saudara Imri (Director impian).
Present/Future telah membuka hati n semangat aku untuk mula bergiat semula dalam dunia yang orang lihat sebagai "glamorous" ni. Ya sebahagian besarnya memang glamour tapi untuk sampai ke tahap tu memang tak mudah. Tanya lah bob zahiril adzim, datin seri tiara, eidil putra, dll. Contoh je ni orang lain pun akan cakap benda yang sama gak.
Nak lagi jawapan yang lebih "raw" bak kata orang kaukasi, tanya lah orang-orang yang buat extra. Orang-orang ni menghadapi lebih banyak pahit maung dalam industri ni. To make it worst, sekali lagi mat salleh aku terkeluar, orang tak perasan pun yang segelintir manusia ni telah mengorbankan masa dan tenaga mereka untuk sesebuah penghasilan itu.

Letih.

Ada yang buat kerja ni full time dengan harapan suatu hari nanti dapan lepak se"port" dengan Eizlan Yusof, Aaron Aziz, Maya Karin mungkin tak pun Rita Rudaini. Akan tetapi, tak semua dapat sampai ke atas tu. Ada yang akan terus menjadi ekstra sampai ke tua dan hanya mampu berangan-angan untuk bertepuk tampar dengan mereka-mereka ni. And claim that these people are their pal but in reality they are not.

sedih

ny business is NOT yours

2009-11-15T08:51:00.000-08:00

just don't understand how people can be sooo nosey.

i mean don't ask other people abt me. Ask myself if u want to know things...

please go and f*ck yourself if you do not have the balls (or tits for that matter) to clarify things personally with me.

thank you.

dah terhantuk baru nak mengadah

2009-11-12T06:26:00.001-08:00

sakit~~

~~padan muke

sakit

2009-11-12T00:17:00.000-08:00

sakit hati
sakit perut
sakit pale
sakit badab
sakit otak
sakit jiwa sbb sakitkan orang
sakit raga sebab org sakitkan aku
sakit iman sbb sakit hati tgk org senan hati (dengki la tuh)
sakit mata sbb org berperangai sakit
sakit telinga
sakit mulut

semua sakit

sekian

Dodgy Night

2009-11-09T06:43:00.000-08:00

"oit stop it la... tak betul tu" yg kanan cakap
"tak pe tak salah kalau ko buat" yg kiri cakap

"takkan jadi punye" yg kiri pulak cakap
"tapi tak salah kan cuba?" kata yang kanan

"eh tukar role plak?" kata aku...

pening...

muntah...

hopes and dreams

2009-11-01T00:21:00.000-07:00

we all have our hopes and dreams. Our dreams might differ from one another. You might want to get hitched as soon as possible while the lady next to you hope to see her son before she dies, and the uncle that just passed you by might hope to stirke his luck with the ladu who sells nasi lemak at the corner. whoever and whatever our hopes and dreams are we have to work hard to achieve it.

the problem now is that i do not have any dreams or hope anymore. it seems like all hopes and dreams have been washed out by a great big tsunami of dissapointment...

entah la.... hurm...

-end-

it was a beautiful weekend

2009-10-27T03:21:00.000-07:00

Cameron highland was and still is a beautiful place to visit. Yes it is a pain to get there. I actually told my dear friend that the next time we would come I told him to rent a helicopter so that we don't have to travel along long and dwindling road again.

i love the place it's cool and the scenery is simply amazing!

check this one out... isn't it breath taking?

ME talking about other ppl's love... sigh

2009-10-19T20:46:00.000-07:00

I read these two blogs of which i found very interesting and very inspiring (the guy's and girl's) . They are a couple. An unusual one i might say (sorry guys). Less that i know that their differences made them sweet.

Lotsa things i have learnt about them, especially the guy. Ironically i have been studying with him and living with him for a while but i never took the time to know him. Maybe it's abit too creepy for a guy to get to know another bloke in detail LOL.

adeb: a bubbly girl who i see posesses a very high level of energy (kengkadang cam sugar high lak) and she is a very posotive person no kidding.

Tj: a silent guy. he is pretty much like a revolver with a silencer. he can kill with his word (literally). This dude has gone through hell and yet he is still standing and soon enough he might be running.

they are soooo romantic especially in their blog to one another (it made me sick mainly due to jealousy hahahaha - no offence guys). They're not the PDA kind of couple (i guess) they take it cool... that's what i like about them. Subtle is they key word.

I think both of the will soar high togther with flying swiftly across the sea of challenges and success.

*sigh*
*sigh*
*sigh*

hahahahaha and here i am talking about other people's love life....

Tajuz n Adeb... i predict a bright future ahead but remember it's not always a walk in the garden :D

Through My Window

2009-10-19T19:39:00.000-07:00

If you are not aware of what's happening now here's the 411.
Most of our local radio stations have received an enveloped without any name on it. In it contains a CD. In the CD it contains a song called Through My Window

for more info go to

everyoneconnects.net

there u can twit with the the others who wanted to solve the mystery of this huge thing. is it a soundtrack of a movie? a promo for a new band? a way to promote old band to the main stream again? we'll never know

as for now they remain a mystery to everyone.

moots from hitz.fm stated that a cctv video managed to record a hooded guy delivering the envelope to their office. who are these people and what are their motives.

lets just wait then...

meanwhile check their song out

personally i think they sounded pretty much like bunkface... maybe it's just me...

hurm

ini aku kini

2009-09-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

Aku Skandal lyrics
123
Go...
Kan ku berikan semua,
Agar kau gembira sentiasa,
Engkau tetap pergi,
Pergi meninggalkan ku sendiri.

Jangan disimpan tiada rahsia,
Katakan saja ku terima,
Engkau tetap pergi,
Pergi meninggalkan ku sendiri.

Waktu duka dulu kita lalui bersama,
Bahgia bagaikan malam ditemani bintang terang,
Hancur hati bila kau undurkan diri,
Meninggalkan daku, meninggalkan daku sendiri.

Senyuman manis dibawa angin,
Ku tunggu dikau terasa dingin,
Engkau tetap pergi,
Pergi meninggalkan ku sendiri.

Jangan disimpan tiada rahsia,
Katakan saja ku terima,
Engkau tetap pergi,
Pergi meninggalkan ku sendiri.

Waktu duka dulu kita lalui bersama,
Bahgia bagaikan malam ditemani bintang terang,
Hancur hati bila kau undurkan diri,
Meninggalkan daku, meninggalkan daku sendiri.

Let's go
Hu!
Lalalalalala...
Huhuhu...
Hahaha

Waktu duka dulu kita lalui bersama,
Bahgia bagaikan malam ditemani bintang terang,
Hancur hati bila kau undurkan diri,
Meninggalkan daku, meninggalkan ku sendiri.

Waktu duka dulu kita lalui bersama,
Bahgia bagaikan malam ditemani bintang terang,
Hancur hati bila kau undurkan diri,
Meninggalkan daku, meninggalkan ku sendiri...

jumble (my muse is still on vacation)

2009-09-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum...

*sigh* sedar tak sedar ramadhan dah pun sampai ke garisan penamatnya. Untuk kesekian kalinya aku gagal untuk memanfaatkankan setiap syafaatnya....

*sigh*

tapi aku bersyukur kerana aku dapat bertemy dengannya. Aku bertemu dengannya kali ini dalam keadaan aku dalam satu fasa hidup aku yang baru. Alhamdulillah dapat la aku menyumbang sedikit sebanyak kepada keluarga aku dengan rezki yang dikurniakan.

On a much more brighter note.

Aidilfitri is approaching. Looking forward to it. In a new phase in my life.

I missed a lot of things for hari raya.

I miss my mom's delicious rendang

I miss the hustle and bustle in preparing for the celebration.

I miss going around for hari raya.

I miss my late grandmother.

I miss her celicious cookies (sarang semut, ulat bulu, biskut ros, dll)

I miss celebrating it with a lot of joy and ignore all teh drama that occurs...

*sigh*

it's a wonder how i managed to drag a supposed to be happy topic into a more sobre one...

yeah dats all...

my muse is still on vacation. wonder when will she come back... she better bring some good souviner for me LOL

peace

selamat hari raya to each and everyone of you.

maaf zahir n batin

halal makan dan minum.

peace

have fun yo!

i need a muse

2009-09-18T20:58:00.000-07:00

can't write much...

don't know why

maybe my muse has gone away....

on a day off

gone for a vacation

leaving me blank and empty...

sheeesh!

malam yang begitu indah

2009-08-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

Sesudah tarawikh aku pun berjalanlah pulang kerumah...

solat tarawikh malam ini di temani dengan tiupan angin malam yang membuatkan solat malam ini lebih tenang rasanya. Syukur terdetik dalam hati, dapat jugak aku menunaikan solat sunat ini walaupun sudah memasuki hari yang ke 3.

dalam perjalanan ku pulang (jarak antara rumah sewaku dengan surau adalah dalam 5 minit) aku ditemani lagi dengan tiupan angin yang sungguh menyenangkan. Tergerak hatiku untuk mendongak ke langit.

Subhanallah...

Bintang bertaburan di angkasa... Memang satu pemandangan yang tidak dapat digambarkan dengan kata-kata. Cukup indah itu sahaja yang mampu diungkapkan...

Malam ini sungguh indah....

let's tag

2009-08-16T02:02:00.000-07:00

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, what’s the first thing you say?
demmit!! you look damn good! hot stuff...

2. How much cash do you have on you?
15 ringgit ngam2

3. What’s a word that rhymes with “TEST”?
Digest?

4. Favorite planet?
Earth definitely... without it, *sigh* where would i be?

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Mr Burn from Era

6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?
Don't upset the music by The Noisettes

7. What shirt are you wearing?
shirt? now? nada... i am the bare chested man (hahahaha)

8. Do you “label” yourself?
Oh definitely....

9. Name the brand of your shoes you’re currently wearing?
Bata

10. Bright or Dark Room?
Bright

11. What were you doing at midnight last night?
on a boat in Melaka... was fun hahahahaha

12. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"dah jumpe heheh samb balik tido ke?"

13. What’s a saying that you say a lot?
erm.. lemme see

14. Who told you they loved you last?
me madre

15. Last furry thing you touched?
my... urm... urm... leg? hahahahah

16. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past three Days?
Nil... alhamdulillah so far so good

17. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
r u like stuck in the past? y do i need to develop roll of film????

18. Favorite age you have been so far?
18 huhuhuhu

19. Your worst enemy?
myself... always and forever

20. What is your current desktop picture?
it's not my pc actually it's a picture of a hillside or something

21. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"aku tak suke seri muke dia.... aku suke kasui dia sedap... heheheheh" me to my housemate about the kuih that he bought

22. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret?
a million bux because i do not have major regret :D

23. Do you like someone?
not sure anymore if i like anyone....

24. The last song you listened to?

3rd eye blind how's it gonna be

thanks puteih for tagging me huhuhuhu

As we grow older

2009-08-14T03:07:00.000-07:00

I just watched Hurt Locker, a drama movie about a band of army who's job is to disarm bombs in Iraq. It's not really an action movie because not much of mortar being tossed, or death toll was not much in the movie. Plus the name itself portrays that it's a crama and not an action movie. Initially i thought that it's an "army war" movie. AS the movie progresses i saw something that beyond my expectations. I saw the struggles that these army had to face day in and day out. Each and everyday every time they receive a call about a bomb, they face to face two ways of certain death; first, the bomb might just explode suddenly or if the person who's suppose to detonate it cut the wrong wire or made a dire mistake, the other one is the death threat that was brought by the people arround who hates US military's gut. They might snipe them or just blow the place up.

It was an interesting movie, but what grab my interest was, when the protagonist, played by Jeremy Renner. talked to his son solemnly, which was about a year or so. He said something like this:

"you love everything don't you? You love your mommy, you love your daddy, you love your natural pyjama,. you even love your toys. One day you'll realize that the jack in the box that you love so much is just a plush toy in a can. And when you reach my age, you will only have one or thing that you really love as for me, i have only one."

to hear this sort of word from an army officer who smiles at the sight of death is something very interesting.

Then it got me thinking is it true? As we grow older, will the things that we love be narrowed down to a few limited numbers? why so? is it because we are too preoccupied with our work and responsibilities that we ignore the things that we love. or do we lost the ability to love anything that provides us with fun and joy?

think about it and take our time to figure out what and who do we still love at this point. as for me... it has been narrowed down to a few limited people and things. then i guess Sergeant First Class William James was right after all.

bila abang long berblog

2009-08-14T02:48:00.000-07:00

Abang Long adalah seorang lelaki yang sangat lelaki pendek kata a very typical man... malay man for that matter. not that it's a bad thing. First impression towards him would be "dood this guy, u better not mess around with him or he'll bash your face off". However, throughout a few years knowing him with my lovely sister Anna, I've seen the part of if that Anna always talks about; the funny part, the cute part and the groggy part. well that's normal. at first it's hard to believe that this 6 foot something guy can be cute... but after a while he can be cute attitude wise.

Lately i saw a new side of him, to be quite honest i would never thought that he is a reading kind of person (sorry abang long) but then one day he bought a book by a politician (i think now an ex politician) who has become a writer. I thought it's just a one off thingie but the next couple of week i saw him with a new book. and i thought to myself, wow the dude is something. And he really took care of the book (i.e he wrapped it up with plastic).

Then one day i saw his status on facebook saying; "my blog is up, just completed my entry" or something like that. i was like erm yeah sure why not. then just now as i was walking home from my class, Anna texted me and gave me the url of abang long's blog. so with curiosity in my head i head home and opened up his blog. my lord he sure can write. a long one to say the least.
similar to Anna's blog abang long's blog is full of things that made you think and not to mention long entry as well.

he can definitely write and his writing is not the dull kind of writing. he sort of puts his soul into it and that's something new from him as well. well now i think abang long holds no surprises anymore because he as surpasses the level that he can do pretty much anything

feel free to visit his blog :daritongkosongkeketongketong.blogspot.com

cheers to abang long

In The Mood for Gusti Putri

2009-08-11T22:43:00.000-07:00

*sigh* i woke up this morning with a song that i have not heard for along time. Mind you it was playing in my head. It was one of the songs from Puteri Gunung Ledang The Musical (PGLTM) it was called Melaka Terbilang. From that moment on pretty much all the songs that i could remember plays in my head.
The fact that I am in Malacca contributes to the songs...

*sigh* it was the loveliest musical that i have ever watched.

and the songs, people might think that it's just a bunch of songs that is nice but they could not feel the magic of the song. This is because they were not there to feel the magic of PGLTM. *sigh* i can still see Tiara on stage on a "mountain" singing he heart out when Tuah decided to sacrifice his love for the sake of the Sultan.

How love can make people do things that they do not want to do. Unfortunately they will have to make the decision and once the decision has been made, they have to face the repercussion. We will never know if the choice or decision that we made will lead us to a rainbow or it will take us to the pit of Hell. Just like Tuah, he knows that it was a painful decision to make, but he had to because had to obey the Sultan's order. Unfortunately he was too foolish not to trust his heart. This is just my opinion, maybe he had no choice, it's either his heart or his head. Hence i guess he'd rather have his heart broken rather than his head rolling on the floor.

it's a story of how painful it is when the one you love had to let you go. in this case letting you go to a tyrant. *sigh* such a pity. A love that could be a legend ends when eyes are blinded by so called "sacrifice" but not knowing that the one that got left will not be able to move on and will dwell in the past.

anywas on a lighter note,
PGLTM is the best local musical so far (ye la budget dekat nak berjuta2 kan?) and the music fits well with each and every mood of the whole play.

sape ada the soundtrack.... nak pinjam!!!!

A New Life

2009-08-06T05:49:00.000-07:00

Melaka.
This is my new life. Specifically, Lendu. It's a small town (or area) located about 5 minutes away from Alor Gajah town and about half an hour away from Melaka City.

UiTM Campus Alor Gajah.
This is my new social life. I am now serving the place where my entire adult life (late teen early adult) starts.

I report duty in Campus Alor Gajah at about 9.15 am on Monday, 3rd August 2009. Then at about 4.30 pm i have my first class. Oh by the way i am teaching BEL120 (Basic English Language - i guess)

know what? i hate writing like this...

MOving here is a tough decision that i have to make. Teaching is not really what i had in mind when i completed my degree. i mean come on la... i am still young to be a person standing in front of the class and yapping alone. however, something told me that i need to take up that path and give it shot. so after some event that happened that is beyond my control and the call that opened up the opportunity. i took up the challenge and return back to where it all started - UITM Kampus Alor Gajah (lendu....)

been two weeks now and to be quite honest i have no qualms here. The place is peaceful (a bit too peaceful actually) and the cost of living is not rocketing high. so i am at peace with the place.

the students, i might say that at first i was quite skeptical about them. however, after several meetings with them i think i was being too quick to judge. they're a bunch of kids who are excited to leave home and start a new life outside school. kind of reminds me of my time here long long long time ago. i am really looking forward to teach them whatever i can and to help them with their language (eh dah macam buat esey plak shhhesh!)

so life starts a new here no more life in kl. occasionally i will return to kl but i guess it will be a very very very rare occasion. i have to start a new life here with a new vision and mission and a new focus. it is tough, it's really is but i have to swallow it and move on.

people have move on falliq stop wallowing and move on as well. the world might end (sooner or later) but it hasn't so buck up and move on... life's at stake now. u screw up, the will screw up as well... think about it... gaaaaaaaaa....

a boy on the train

2009-07-08T05:43:00.000-07:00

it was a fine day. i opened the shop and ran it without aiza. today there were only nana, amy and i of which we are the three newbies in the shop. thank god there were no sudden tsunami of children today *sigh* (of relief) so basically the day went fine plus i found out there was a job as a TESL teacher with very very good pay and very very lineant time (3 hours per day) so now i am thinking of breaking the news to aiza tomorrow hope she's okay with it.

everything went fine until about 7.43 p.m at KL Central. Crap the platform which i had to wait for my train home was pack full of people. i have no idea where they came from. i know it's the rush hour but it's just rediculous.

i just don't understand what's wrong with KTM Komuter. Off peak hour the system is on go. on time (sometimes) hence there's not that many people waiting. However, during peak hours, delayed train la train cancelled la it's really anoying. Komuter is the only way to get from Kl to the other side of KL and it's really annoying that the komuter system is like poop!

anyhows, as i was about to reach my destination, the stopped at one of the station to pick up passengers. came in this indian boy. small about 10 or 11 not more i suppose. he had to stand close to me as the train was still packed (demmit). as i was composing myself from falling apart in such small space with lotsa people, i heard a small voice, saying something. i ignored it, then i heard it again. I looked at the boy and i saw him looking at me saying in malay + indian accent "mr boleh tolong saya? ada 2 ringgit?" meaning sir could you help me? do you have two ringgit? i shaked my head mainly because i was shocked and i could barely move my hand to take my wallet.
then i saw him moved slightly to another guy next to me. the guy ignored him (well either he could not hear the boy or he chose to not to hear him). the train stopped a station after the station the boy boarded and he disembark the train with weary and worry look.

i don't know why he wanted the 2 ringgit and i do not know what he need it for. i wonder what does the parents do or does he even have any for that matter. at this moment i am wondering where is he now and what is he doing, has he gotten his two ringgit?

would i have reacted differently in a different environment (i.e not so pack train)?
how would you react? honestly?

Instinct

2009-07-01T05:45:00.000-07:00

Now normally i don't blog about movies ala review. However, i feel that i need to write about this movie (although i feel that it's kinda too late).

The movie "The Last House on The Left" has a rather long name for a movie i might say. Anyhow, this movie came from, to me the genius of it's genre - thriller, Wes Craven. He is the man who introduced us with the serial killer who stalks his prey and talk to them on the phone with freaky voice. If you do not know what movie i am talking about, it's the Scream trilogy.

Okay, if you're too young to know about Scream, you might know The Hills Have Eyes and The Hills Have Eyes 2 apart from that our all time favourite horror movie; Nightmare on Elm Street. He is a true genius in horror and thriller.

Anyhow if you are a big fan of blood, gory, smashing and anything related to those three words. I suggest you go and watch it. You will NOT regret.

Well in order to avoid spoiler. I might say that the movie sees how human can go beyond his/her capacity to protect the ones they love and to seek revenge upon those who hurt the ones they love.

it's very typical (in a good way) of Wes to put the victim in a position where he/she needs to push to the limit to survive (watch Hills Have Eyes and you'll know what i'm talking about)

I like this because it often makes me wonder do we really have the capacity to go beyond out ability when situation pushes us.

Can we really be 5 times stronger when we need to be? (was about to write 10 but it's kind of exaggeration)
Can we really lose our senses?

I was placed in a difficult situation, i.e my mugged incident and i do not know if i could go and slam the mugger's face or anything. Maybe it was not the same i don't know.

I am interested with the tag line:

"If bad people hurt someone you love, how far would you go to hurt them back?"

a question we need to ponder upon...

trail of thoughts

2009-06-22T08:58:00.000-07:00

here are some things that has been wandering around my head:

1) am i making the right thing?

As u know (or not...) i have quit my previous job and started a new one at an art place in Great Eastern Mall. I am now working as something that I really hated. Dealing with kids. I mean small kids aged between 3 to 12 years old. To be quite honest I do not like kids, especially of the breed that keeps on running, screaming, yapping, bitching etc. I do not why I agreed to work there but here i am working there.

So far, so good except during the weekend. It is really hectic. Twenty or so kids in a small compound running with paint, screaming and demanding. *SIGH* what have i signed up for. However, the weekdays are not as bad. I mean it's kind of fun to work there to see the kids spread their creativity and all...

I am still hoping for something from Mr Bachelor No. 6.... MOE!!!!! help!!!!

2) I am NOT ASIAN enough?

A friend of mine told me that there will be an International movie being shoot here in KL (actually by now dah lepas) so she told me to send in my resume and we'll see how so said her. A few days after i received an email saying that i made the cut. To add to the excitement, my friend told me there will be Sean Penn and naomi Watts. She said that we will need to be wearing something formal.

2 days before the shoot. Still no call about anything. I was getting anxious so i asked my friend. she shaid she's been calling her friend and no answer. a day before still no news. that night my friend smsed me saying that i did not made the cut after the production from States made anotehr screening. The reason?

I DON'T LOOK ASIAN ENOUGH.

that's new. I mean i do not look caucasion enough to be part of any local stints yet i am not asian enough to be in an internation project. Do i look HISPANIC?

3) Am i really seeing people's true colour and will i like it?

I am starting to see the true colour of someone and i might not like it. Does it mean that i am superficial or does it mean that his/her true colour is not a pleasant one? Am i being judgemental or i am being rational?

4) Why do I feel that i need more money?

I am not getting married anytime soon. but why do i feel the need to get more money. Maybe i should start tuition class soon...

5) Do I have H1N1?

Seems like i have the symptoms. Difficulty in breathing, aches at joints, feel like feverish... am i dying or am i being paranoid? Am i getting paranoia by the day??? I think i am...

6) Can I REALLY achieve my dream?
i am starting to have doubts...

A whole new chapter

2009-06-11T19:42:00.000-07:00

maka tertutuplah sudah satu bab dalam hidup aku. Bab yang pertajuk "Pelajar". Alhamdulillah tamat sudah pengajian aku setelah dekat nak 5 tahun belajar. Pelbagai pahit maung suka duka dilalui sepanjang setahun di Melaka dan 4 tahun di Shah Alam.

Fiendship was built some lasted the whole way through, some got stranded halfway through. New ones were made and faces come and go. 5 years is a short period of time come to think of it. But then again time is something that is relative and very subjective. So i won' talk much about it.

Apa yang penting sekarang, aku akan menyarungkan jubah yang dimenjadi impian setiap penuntut. Alhamdulillah...

Another thing, i am venturing into a new working world. No more training consultantcy. Now venturing into art. Teaching at get crafty. At the same time hopedully something else will come up.
Note to Moe: Hopefully it's something positing eh? wink! wink!

yup yup...

when a door is closed, another is opened...

Let's all pry for something better for everyone...

Amiiiin....

Empty Decorations

2009-06-05T03:51:00.000-07:00

Empty Decorations a song sung by douglas lim and chelsea ng is my all time favourite song. it was the theme song of my favourite show "Kopitiam".

i really love this song in a way i can relate to this song.

and i really love the title empty decorations it has an ironic taste in it isn't it?
i mean a decoration will not be considered as a decoration if it's empty...
when it's empty then it's useless...

at times i feel like i am an empty decoration. i am there but i am not there...

just an empty decoration...

Empty Decorations...

I wake in the dark
With showers of life
Moments of emptiness around
Floating away
No other hope
Reality brings me

Into the ground
What can I do
What can I say
I need a place to hide away
Just for a while, just for a smile
Just for a life I used to know

The perfect song were filled with
Words of love and not with anger
What if they go
What if they leave me far behind

'Cause I don't wanna be alone... (uh oh)
Living life for on my own (uh oh)
I don't want to live my life in isolation
Filled with empty decorations
'Cause I want to be with people that I know

Who would do the things I do (uh oh)
Making all my dreams come true (uh oh)
I don't recognize the shadows at my door
Though I've seen them all before
Because the only thing I really want...
Is to be with you...

Disapear

2009-05-22T00:29:00.001-07:00

If I beg and if I cry would it change the sky tonight?
Will it give me sunlight?
Should I wait for you to call? Is there any hope at all?
Are you drifting by?

When I think about it I know that I was never held or even cared
The more I think about it the less that I was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, I can almost feel you
You're nearly here and then

You disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)
You disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)

And then I lie all by myself, I see your face, I hear your voice
My heart stays faithful
And time has come and time has passed, if it's good, it's got to last
It feels so right

When I think about it I know that I was never held or even cared
The more I think about it the less that I was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, I can almost feel you
You're nearly here and then

You disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)
You disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)
You, you disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)
You disappear

I missed all the signs one at a time
You were ready
What did I know starting our lives
No, my love I'm ready to shine

When I think about it I know that I was never held or even cared
The more I think about it the less that I was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, I can almost feel you
You're nearly here and then

You disappear, you disappear
You disappear, you disappear, disappear

Manusia dan Kemalasan

2009-05-10T18:46:00.000-07:00

Aku tinggal di sebuah apartment kos rendah (mungkin sederhana) yang agak terkemuka di kawasan antara Sunway, PJ dan KJ.

Ia terkemuka bukanlah kerana keadaannya yang berprestij tapi kerana ia menempatkan pelbagai masyarakat majmuk. Pendek kata macam 'mini world' la. Di sini telah ditempatkan pelbagai jenis orang termasuklah orang Indonesia, org Nigeria, orang Afrika, orang Nirobe, orang Swaziland orang Kemboja, orang Arab, orang Burma, orang Bangla dan sebahagiannya orang Malaysia.

Sungguh majmuk bukan?

Maka sepanjang penetapan aku dekat apartment ni (dekat nak setahun) aku cukup la tak gemar menunggu lifnya. Tedious kata orang berkulit cerah.

Mana taknya;
Bangunan ada 16 tingkat. Setiap satu tingkat ada berpintu-pintu. Jika dikali-kalikan satu blok tu ada berapa ramai org duduk? Lif ada tiga, tetapi yang berfungsi hanya dua (jika bernasib baik) kalau tak alamatnya satu je la lifnya.

time paling tak best kalau nak naik lif adalah dari jam 7 malam sampai 9 malam. at any cause avoid from taking the elevator. Orang berpusu-pusu macam rumah deorang akan hilang kalau deorang ampai rumah lambat. Dan yangplaing bestnya bila time itu hanya satu lift saja yang berfungsi... runsing.

Here's my point.

Orang yang duduk dekat tingkat satu dua dan tiga punya lah sanggup tunggu dekat nak sepuluh minit semata-mata untuk naik lif. oh cmon lah! Kalau yang naik tuh auntie auntie, makcik makcik atau aci aci mahupun ah so ah so, mungkin ia dapat dipertimbangkan lagi la kerana faktor usia. Tapi, kalau yang menunggu tu budak belasan tahun, mamat awal dua puluhan, gadis mantap yang muda rupawan. Apekah? Tinggi sangat ke?

Kadang-kadang kalau aku malas sangat nak tunggu lif, i would resort to take the staircase, sungguhpun penat memanjat (aku duduk di tingkat 8 ye harap maklum) namun aku puas sebab aku sampai juga tanpa perlu membuang masa yang lama dan dalam pada masa yang sama aku dapat membakar lemak-lemak dibadan

moralnya disini;
jangan la jadi malas sangat, kalau boleh di usahakan sendiri, usahalah jangan harap bantuan sangat.

kapish?

Rezeki Menembak

2009-05-07T22:51:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah

sebahgian kerja menembak sudah pun selesai dijalankan tunggu 18hb untuk siapkan lagi sepuluh episod.

Aku bersyukur sebab buat pertama kalinya aku dapat memegang satu watak dalam satu produksi bukan lagi ekstra tapi supporting.

Rezeki kot, watak yg aku bawak ni dipegang oleh sorang mamat ni agak terkemuka la, cuma he's been busy and not around so, since the production has to start roll sebelum dia balik and PM dah bosan menunggu dia.

Kiranya aku berada di tempat yang betul pada waktu yang tepat.

mudah-mudahan this is the start of my journey and orang mula kenal aku ( i mean directors la not fans hahah)

random entry

2009-04-29T02:48:00.000-07:00

why am i sooo random

n why do take things sooooo seriously demmit...

end

Satu Bulan Yang Penuh

2009-04-28T22:47:00.001-07:00

Secara jujurnya aku tidaklah bercakap pasal bulan mengambang ye rakan-rakan. Aku hanya bercakap tentang satu bulan yang penuh dengan pelbagai perkara suka, duka, membanggakan, menyedihkan dan macam-macamlah.

April 2009 adalah satu bulan yang tidak mungkin dapat aku lupakan.

Satu bulan yang terasa amatlah panjangnya meskipun ianya sama sahaja seperti bulan Jun, September dan November iaitu ada 30 hari sahaja. Ini adalah 30 hari yang teramat panjangnya.

2hb April - Aku di samun, hilanglah wallet dan telefon, berbekas lah muka aku.

3hb - 5hb April - Persembahan Jamilah yang di adakan di Taman Budaya KL (ye dalam ke adaan mukaku, aku tetap naik ke pentas)

11hb April - Program Speed Date untuk Cleo 50 Most Eligible Bachelor 2009

12hb - 13hb April - Kursus di Genting (pergi ke Genting tanpa wang huhuhu)

15hb April - Menembak untuk Ghost

19hb April - Ghost Episod 1 (aku ada sebagai Zafrul)

20 - 21hb April - Final Exam aku (3 kertas dalam masa 2 hari)

24hb April - (pagi) menghantar Thesis yg aku siapkan antara 20hb sampai 24hb)
(petang) Final Party untuk Cleo 50 Most Eligible Bachelor 2009 di Zouk (dan ya Henry menang)

27hb April - Masquerade Party (malam Pra-graduan kami) sangat meriah

28hb April - Makan-makan untuk U8B seminar

Bulan ini juga telah menandakan bahawa aku akan menamatkan sesi pengajian aku yang telah berlanjutan selama 5 tahun. Syukur alhamdulillah dapat juga aku tamatkan pengajian aku.

Dengan berlabuhnya tirai hidupku sebagai pelajar kini naiklah pula tirai hidupku yang baru menghadapi dunia yang sebenar yang penuh dengan cubaan dan dugaan.

2009-04-27T21:41:00.000-07:00

it was the night that we all waited for, the night that marks the end of our journey as students. the night that tells us that we have to leave it all behind and start a new life and a new person. it was a night full of emotion and joy.
However, it was a night that one can not forget.

don't fret, we will still be seeing one another for convocation baybee...
possibly we will still be seeing one another at some point of our life.
God has His own way of determining things...

Have faith in Him that we will see one another

Be happy and be strong in facing the challenges that life brings to us.

Yep! He won and NOT me

2009-04-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

Finally the result was announced last night at Cleo's 50 Most Eligible Bachelor 2009 Final Face Off in Zouk KL. And as expected me Henry Golding won the coveted title of The Most Eligible Bachelor 2009.

The other subsidiary title was won by:

Tony - the most you:nique bachelor (he is number 45 and i wanted that award and he won it hahahaah but he is kinda unique)

Keith - he was won the bachelor with wicked words and know what he want

(the others i don't remember hahahaha)

Altho i did not win anything, and not many friends of mine came, i had a lot of fun throughout the whole program. I met new friends (moe, adly, sharnaaz, farhan and the rest of the bachelors), i got the mingle with stars (burn, henry etc), and i know that there are people who supports me no matter what and the is the most important thing to me.

Thousands of thanks to:
Cleo for providing me with this opportunity
The sponsors

MOTHER who is truly supportive in whatever i do
my boss who sent me that msg hahahahaa

Friends:
Azfar Azman who has endured my diva-ness hahahahaha (love u always)
Hazwani a.k.a Cicak hahaha i know u love me
Nabihah Rosdi a.k.a bieb thanks for coming B***H hahahaha sempat lagik ko cuci mata ye?
Ro; been a while since we met thanks for coming
Imran - thanks for coming altho aku baru je kenal ko
Anna, who came but had to run off to tend her hungry husband, i understand what ur facing, no biggie will love u never the less

the rest who supported tho can't be at the final face off...

i love u guys...

imma gram pics from somewhere soon LOL

Malam Yang Berdarah

2009-04-08T02:12:00.000-07:00

Tarikh ini tak mungkin aku lupakan

2 haribulan April 2009.

Aku baru pulang dari kelas teater aku di Wangsa Melawati. Dari sana lebih kurang pukul sepuluh lebih dekat nak pukul sebelas. So, aku tumpang akwan aku Iqa yang kebetulan melalui jalan kat sebelah rumah aku (Federal Highway) dia menuju ke Kelang.

Dia cakap dia nak cepat nak jumpa buah hatinya kat hospital. Aku cakap tak pe berhentikan aje aku kat tepi jalan tu, pandai la aku balik, dah besar lah katakan.

So, dalam pukul sebelas lebih 11.15 cam tu lah, sampai la aku kat tempat yang dituju. Aku pun menelepon la Azfar, saje je nak berborak.

Sambil bercakap di telepon aku pun berjalan la menuju ke jejantas kerana aku harus menyeberangi trek kereta api tu.

TIBA-TIBA

Aku terdengar suara mengarahkan aku supaya jangan menjerit ataw berbuat bising. Tangan masih memegang telepon yang masih bersambung dengan Azfar, terdetik dihatiku, "cilakak betul sape plak yg nak main sergah-sergah dengan aku ni?" aku pun pusing.

kelihan dua orang yang tidak dikenali. kedua-duanya MELAYU. (sungguh menyedihkan). Aku disentap (entah macam mana mungkin deorang tarik beg aku) dan aku lost my balance mula-mula cermin mata aku jatuh

then as they reached for my phone (while i was screaming for help - no one was around) which i hold on to my dear life. i fell 2 to 3 flights from where i stood. Face first mind you.

When i was down, the still grabbed my phone, i pulled back, (with bloodied face) then i lost my strength the managed to take my phone, snatched away my wallet and dashed off.

Aku pun terhoyong hayanglah balik. Orang sekeliling tengok je. Ada yang tanya kenapa ada yang tengok dah tu lari. Heran aku.

Sampai je rumah, aku mintak mak aku call azfar, soh dia mintak aiman block my atm card (dalam wallet aku ada 2 hennget je kot or maybe 10 hengget) lepas tu g klinik and then g report.

Syukur la muke aku je yg injured. Sekurang-kurangnya aku tak di tetak atau di hunuskan pisau ke perut aku.

rakan-rakan: berhati-hatilah di mana saja korang berada, if possible avoid jalan malam-malam. kalau perlu juga, ajak kawan lagi ramai lagi bagus. Manusia sekarang ni dah tak de hati perut. Yang penting bagi mereka deorang senang, walaupun deorang telah menyusahkan orang lain.

jaga diri ya!

Website is up!

2009-04-01T02:00:00.000-07:00

check out askcleo.com.my/campaigns/eb09

it's finally up people!

this is where u can view the bachelor's profile, chat / comment the bachelors (i guess most of the time i'll be on9),

how to meet the bachelors (yes including me)

and most importantly VOTE!!!!! (however it's not for the grand title; MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELOR) it's for the subsidiary title;

i am aiming for the most you:nique bachelor... *hint2* but any title will do hehehehehe

plus, what u read on the website and what you read on the magazine will not be the same... this gives you extra info on me :D

again to all my friends who had and still support me thanks alot (yes that includes you too wani)

to haters or people who misunderstood; i would say, i feel truly sorry for you

let's have fun people!!!!

credit:

thanks; moe for the pic (which i took from ur blog)
check out moe's blog

love you all!

Pertimbanganku

2009-03-26T21:59:00.000-07:00

Sejak dua tiga hari ini, aku sering melakukan pertimbangan yang salah dan percaturan yang tidak tepat.

Kebiasaannya aku tahu yang setiap keputusan yang aku ambil dah telah aku hitung apa yang akan terjadi dan akan aku persiapkan dengan rancangan belakang (back-up plan).

But lately i feel like i can't really focus, i think that i have made the right calculation and prepared the right back-up plan, however, not only the plan didn't work, the back-up plan back-fired me...

Could it be because i am on cloud 9 now that i lack oxygen to let my brain work?

or

could it be that i am just to tired to actually think?

or

could it be that my instinct starts to fade?

or what?

so sue me if i made the wrong decision, the wrong judgment an error in estimating my action...

i am HUMAN!

i need to get enough O2...
*sigh*

Salah Ke?

2009-03-26T21:58:00.000-07:00

Salah ke untuk aku menjadi seorang Insan biasa yang ada perasaan ragu-ragu dan syak wasagka?

nuff said

This is How it Looks Like

2009-03-26T18:20:00.000-07:00

That's me people! Lucky number 44

It was an intense months no sleep (okay la abit of sleep) and can't eat (mainly because i was broke) and the annoyances of what ifs...

what if i was not good enough
what if i was not selected
what if i screw up

until the 24th March 09, i received an sms from Julia (my ex boss from Miss60)

"Liar! you look like Rowan Atkinson meh? chace crawford tuh bulu ketiak yes! i feel sad lor cos i'm not paris hilton!! =)"

It took me a while to get what this lady was talking about. Then it hits me, so i told Azfar, what Julia wrote was what i said to Elsa (the pretty lady who interviewed me). How come Julia knows... unless... then it hits me and hit me hard!

the only way other people would know about it is that they read in the magazine...
i don't wanna start counting my chicks yet since the eggs have not even hatched yet,
so i told afzar, can we get there sooner?
(i was with him in the putra heading to wangsa maju)

once i got there, i saw it,
gracing the cover was Nicole (ANTM 5) with 2 of the bachelors Henry and Liew Kah Hoong.
My heart was beating like hell,
i took the magazine and tear the plastic (of all the months, bulan ni la nak ada plastic cover kan?)

i flipped through the pages and there i was

LUCKY number 44
heheheh

i am happy till now

thanks to:

people from Cleo:
-Elsa (thank you sooooo much)
- Ain (i can't say thank you enough to u)
- Stylist, Hair Stylist, Make-Up, Photographer (for making me look oh-so-good)

Those who have faith in me:
-Mother
- Azfar
- Anna
- Julia Lee
- Paah
- Bieb
- and all my friends (in UiTM Section 17 Shah Alam... go teslian!)
- Peeps at Miss60 KLCC

apa lagi grab a copy of Cleo April and Vote number 44

love you guys!

finally

2009-03-24T08:50:00.000-07:00

alhamdulillah!!!

i made it to the top 50 Cleo's 50 most eligible bachelor!!!!

don't forget to vote me

bachelor number 44

go and get ur april cleo...
NOW!!!!

contemplation

2009-03-19T21:43:00.000-07:00

i've been traveling on this road too long,
just trying to find my way back home,
but the old me is dead and gone,
dead and gone.

For the past few days this song has been the anthem that plays in my head day in and day out.I do not know why. Maybe its the fact that I am starting to become sick and tired of myself that I wanted to kill it. Maybe not commit literal suicide... that's for sure but i just want to start fresh. I want a well refined me.

It may seemed like i have a devil-may-care attitude or I-don't-care-about-your-shit attitude but i am not.
Damn it!

I am human after all.

Hopefully tomorrow when I wake up,
The old me is dead and gone...

Or maybe, hopefully someone knocks the shit out of me so that I will be harder to crack...

or..

enough...

Manusia dan Cemburu

2009-03-17T04:17:00.000-07:00

Haisy...

selaku manusia kita tak dapat lepas lari dari rasa cemburu...

itu yang aku rasakan hari ini

aku camburu orang lain dapat menang benda

aku cemburu sebab orang lain dapat lead dalam drama yang cool

aku cemburu sebab orang lain dapat melarikan diri dari hiruk pikuk kota metropolitan ini

haisy...

mungkin ada sebab aku tak dapat semua tu

mungkin sebab aku tak bersedia lagi untuk menikmati semua itu

mungkin juga jika aku dapat apa yang aku mahukan sekarang aku akan lupa diri dan takbur...

entahla...

tapi aku tetap cemburu jugak

haisy...

korang ada cemburu?

Aku yang Daif

2009-03-14T19:27:00.000-07:00

Ingin ku tuliskannya namun ku tidak pandai berbahasa untuk menyatakannya,
Ingin ku suarakannya tapi suaraku terlalu sumbang untuk didengari,
Ingin ku lukiskannya tetapi tak termampu tangan ini untuk mencorakkannya...

Aku yang Daif,
Aku tidak ingainkan simpatimu wahai si Kaya,
Ku tidak mahukan hartamu yang mampu beli sesemesta.

Aku yang Daif ini,
hanya mahukan,
Masa...
Masa yang berharga dari permata...

Aku cuma inginkan kau mengerti,
Aku ini cuma insan...

Insan yang Daif,
Tiada apa...

Cuma yang ada hanyalah aku dan rohku... tiada kata, tiada suara, tiada gambar... cuma aku...
Maafkanlah ku yang Daif ini...

Sentuhan Luar Biasa

2009-02-19T21:50:00.000-08:00

Malam itu cukup indah,

sungguh bermakna...

aku dibuai lagu-lagu yang mengasyikkan,

aku dibawa kembali ke zaman silam

kisah Cinta Agung...

Malam itu cukup megkagumkan...

tahniah...

Manusia dan Topeng-topengan

2009-02-18T19:42:00.000-08:00

Manusia ni aku perasan kan, suke main topeng-topeng.
Dia ada topeng khas yang dibuat khas untuk bertemu dengan orang-orang tertentu.
Topeng yang diukir khas untuk menyembunyikan apa yang ada di dalam lubuk hati manusia tu.
Topeng yang corak dan ukirannya mampu membuat si pemerhati tidak menyedari apa yang tersembunyi di hati sanubari.
Topeng yang yang dipakai hari demi hari saban tahun...

tak lemas ke pakai topeng lama2?

Di Langit dan Di Bumi

2009-02-16T04:29:00.000-08:00

yang di langit dan di bumi...

Segala yang berlaku di Bumi
Adalah ketentuan di Langit...

Bagaimana yang di Bumi menerima,
Apa yang datangnya dari Langit,

itu adalah,
Ujian dari...

Pemilik Langit, Bumi dan segala Di Antaranya...

Penat

2009-02-12T03:48:00.000-08:00

Lewat kebelakangan ini, aku sangat penat.
Mungkin kerana aku sendiri yang mencari kesusahan dan kepenatan ini.
Tapi aku rasa ini adalah satu pengorbanan untuk menggapai mimpi dan cita.

Impian...

Aku telah kembali ke pentas teater setelah aku tinggalkan ia beberapa lama.
Aku lupa betapa terujanya berada didalam kumpulan teater.

Aku juga telah kembali menembak (mintak izin pinjam perkataan ini ya Bob?)

Ini telah membuatkan jadual aku menjadi kelam kabut dan segala kerja sekolah ku menjadi haru biru.

dan atas sebab itu juga aku tidak dapat menulis di sini kerana aku tidak dapat masuk ke pejabat... (lagi satu hal)

Haisy...

Tapi tak pe aku percaya semua ini harus aku lalui demi mencapai cita dan impiku.
Ini haru aku tempuh untukku buktikan pada diriku dan semua orang yang aku mampu mencapai impianku.
(Teringat aku akan dialog dalam teater yang akan ku mainkan nanti...)

Moralnya di sini rakan-rakanku,
apa apa yang kita mahukan dalam kehidupan kita ini,
kita haruslah berkorban,
tiada yang datang dengan mudah,
dan yang payah itulah yang akan jadi berbaloi...

salam...

Manusia dan Kecintaan

2009-01-29T17:25:00.000-08:00

CINTA

Aku ini bukanlah seorang yang mahir dan arif dalam bidang cinta ni. Tapi aku tahu la sedikit sebanyak tentang cinta tak banyak, sedikit sebanyak.

Pelbagai perihal boleh diceritakan bila saja cerita cinta ini dibuka. Cinta pada tuhan, Cinta pada alam semulajadi, Cinta pada manusia, Cinta pada kuasa, Cinta pada Wang dan juga Cinta pada diri sendiri (banyaklah lah lagi cintanya kalau dah bernama manusia itu)

Motif aku menulis tentang cinta ini adalah kerana aku telah pergi menonton sebuah pementasan rakanku dan rakan-rakannya baru baru ini di DBP.

Menarik.

4 naskah berbeza dipentaskan diatas satu pentas yang sama membawa satu tema yang sama.

Aku tidak lah pandai sangat meneliti tentang nilai-nilai sastera ke estatika tapi aku dapat rasa mesej-mesej yang cuba disampaikan oleh para sutradara.

Apa yang aku dapat pada malam itu adalah segala cinta yang kita rasa boleh jadi mudarat, pada diri sendiri serta pada orang lain.

"bapak aku pernah cakap, kalau sayang sesuatu yang terlampau," - adib dari "Teruk"

ingat, buat sesuatu biar berpada-pada...

Manusia dan Kegilaan

2009-01-28T00:54:00.000-08:00

Baru-baru ini, aku telah buat satu ujian personality dan ini natijahnya;

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	High
Antisocial Disorder:	Moderate
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	Very High
Narcissistic Disorder:	Very High
Avoidant Disorder:	Moderate
Dependent Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

Bagi mereka yang tidak tahu jenis-jenis disorder ini, nah sedikit penjelasan (aku ambil yang bunyinya pelik-pelik):

Schizoid - Lebih gemar bersendiri dan tidak banyak menunjukkan sebarang emosi.
Schizotypal - keadaan dimana seseorang itu mempunyai cara pemikiran dan peneriamaan yang berbeza dari norma. Kebiasaannya lebih gemar memulaukan diri. Percaya bahawa mempunyai kelebihan sensory boleh mengaikan diri mereka dengan sesuatu perkara yang lain.Ada masalah konsentrasi.
Histrionic - Keadaan dimana seseorang itu gemar akan perhatian dan akan melakukan apa sahaja untuk mendapat perhatrian. Manipulatif dan percaya yang semua orang sayang akan dia.
Narcissistic - Keadaan yang sering dikaitan dengan mementingkan diri. Tidak jauh berbeza dari Histrionic cuma tidak peduli perasaan orang lain bahkan mengambil kesempatan keatas mereka.
Avoidant - Keadaan dimana seseorang itu takut untuk bersosial. Sering bermimpi untuk menjadi sebahagian dari suatu masyarakat tapi takut untuk menjadi sebahgaian. Rendah keyakinan diri.

yang diatas tu keputusan aku...

memang aku narcissistic pun so what? aku ada masalah mental and aku mengaku ada masalah

ko?

Cinta Si Layang-Layang

2009-01-26T21:37:00.000-08:00

"tingginya layang-layang ku"

Penah ku katakan padamu dahulu,
"Lihat lelayang itu sayang, tinggi melayang ia terbang.
Sungguh berani, tidak gentar olehnya akan angin dan ketinggian,"
Begitulah cinta kita megah dan indah dilihat dan dirasa dihati kita,

Juga kukatakan padamu,
"Begitu juga kasih kita, seperti sang lelayang,
terbang tinggi namun,
tetap melata dibumi,
tidak bermimpi".
Sungguh benar kataku, hanya jujur tiada yang palsu.

Lagi ku ungkapkan,
"Seperti lelayang sayangku,
Talinya usah direntap, usah diragut sayang,
kerana,
Jika putus talinya,
terbanglah ia, jauh dari pandangan,
Liuk lentiklah jari jemari kita,
menolak menarik talinya
agar sentiasa ia di langit namun tetap milik kita."

Ingatlah sayangku,
Ku bukan sempurna seperti Malaikat dari Firdausi,
Ku hanya Insani yang kekurangan serba dan serbi.

Manusia dan Ilmu

2009-01-22T01:56:00.000-08:00

Hari ni aku ada kelas pukul 8:30 pagi

(aku dah kuatkan azam untuk tidak mengeluh jika aku memulakan entry dengan perkataan kelas...)

Kelas pagi ni di kenali sebagai the "Deep Class" atau kelas "Makan Dalam" bukan makan dalam sindir tapi makan dalam yang penuh dengan pengisian.

Pengisian.

basically, dalam kelas ni kami berdebat (tak sangat pun) mengenai isu isu semasa dalam dunia pendidikan. To some this whole idea of debating and what not is rather boring and pointless. Tapi pada aku, kelas ini sangat interesting sebab kita diberi peluang untuk bercakap pasal apa saja yang sewaktu dengannya. Lecturernya juga begitu passionate dalam menyebarkan ilmu dan pengetahuannya.

Lompat (sorry ye elly aku pinjam sistem lompat ni)

Recently dalam usaha aku mencuci sawang-sawang didalam otak aku nie, aku pun cuba untuk membaca sesuatu bahan telaah yang kononnya ilmiah la.

key word: kononnya

jadi dalam merealisasikan impian aku untuk memiliki sawang free otak, aku pun beli la buku hasil tulisan Farish A. Noor, tajuk dia; Di Balik Malaysia; Dari Majapahit ke Putrajaya.

Awalnya aku sangat enjoy baca buku ni, sebab ia berkisar tentang dunia PES (politik, ekonomi, sosial) Malaysia namun, ia digarap dengan baik dimana, penulis memautkan unsur sejarah dan hikayat-hikayat melayu seperti hikayat Merong Mahawangsa, Hikayat Indera Jaya, Hikayat Abdullah dan pelbagai hikayat lagi, (so far, hikayat malim deraman tak jumpa lagi la). Cuma, sampai ke beberapa bab, aku sering tertidur-tidur bila membaca buku ini.

Tertidur-tidur.

Jangan salah faham, aku tertidur bukan sebab bukunya bosan, tetapi mungkin aku terlalu ambitious dalam mencuci sawang-sawang di otak ku ini. Seleah beberapa hari aku membaca, aku telah membuat satu kesimpulan.

buku ini terlalu berat bagi otak aku.

tapi tak pe, aku akan pastikan aku akan habiskan buku ini juga, by hook or by crook.

Lompat balik ke topik asal.

So, dalam pendebatan itu, aku telah memetik kata-kata dari buku yang aku ceritakan tadi.

Nampaknya, tak sia-sia la aku beli dan baca buku tu (walaupun tertidur-tidur).

moralnya ilmu ni, datang dalam pelbagai cara, meskipun ia membuatkan kita tertidur, namun ia tetap memberi makna.

bak akata seorang ilmuan (lupa nama dia)

"ilmu adalah ketibaan makna"

tak de makna maknanya tak de ilmu.

ada paham?

tiba masanya

2009-01-15T23:10:00.000-08:00

"kalau tak awas nanti jatuh"

baiklah anak-anak, tibalah masanya untuk kita bersajak lagi...

Bukan itu, katamu ibu,
Ku mahu itu, katamu di hari itu,
Aku terbelenggu antara pilihanmu dan keinginanku.

Mana pergimu, tanya ayahku,
Aku tak tahu, jawabku malu,
Dengan kecewa, dia pun berlalu.

Aku perlu itu, katamu kasihku,
Itu tidak perlu, tegah hatiku padamu,
Aku jadi tidak tahu dalam tidak atau perlu.

Kau haru tahu, dengus jiwaku,
aku membatu, terus terbisu,
menjadi dungu di hari itu.

Moralnya anak-anak; ketahuilah apa yang kita mahu agar kita tidk menjadi lalang yang ditiup angin.

manusia dan cekadak*

2009-01-15T07:52:00.001-08:00

"eh? kenapa jalan clear je nie?"

Aku ni manusia, kita semua manusia,
manusia yang tidak dapat lepas lari dari cekadak,
aku selalu perasan sesuatu...
kita sebagai manusia yang dikurniakan akal ni,
ada je benda yang nak di kompelinkan,

Contoh 1: Cuaca
Situasi A: Hari panas: Haduh... panasnya.... menyampah aku. Bila la nak hujan ni?
Situasi B: Hari Hujan: Aiseh, hujan la pulak, macam mana aku nak sidai kain aku yang ada tiga baldi tu?

Contoh 2: Jalan Raya Situasi A: Jalan Jem: Aduh, tension aku jalan jem ni, time nak cepat la jalan jem pulak.
Situasi B: Jalan Clear: Eh? Heran aku... kenapa jalan clear pulak nie?

Contoh 3: Status Situasi A: Single: Hai... bila la aku nak ada partner? bosan hidup single nie...
Situasi B: Berpasangan: Hisy, runsing aku, itu tak boleh ini tak boleh, kan best kalau single.

Contoh 4: Kerjaya Situasi A: Berkerja: Hisy.... bosan la... balik-balik benda yang sama. menci aku... kan senang kalau tak kerja.
Situasi B: Menganggur: Aduh, macam ne aku nak dapat keje ni... duit tada... mak bising... AKU NAK KERJA!

itu adalah beberapa contoh manusia dan cekadaknya. macam-macam lagi. aku pun hairan.
ini membuatkan aku menggaruk-garuk kepala aku.

kenapa la manusia ni banyak sangat cekadaknya?
orang nak tolong kasi senang pun banyak *peelnya.

sudah la... aku menulis macam ni pun sudah dikira bercekadak. Bagi mengelakkan aku lebih banyak bercekadak dan menimbulkan kerunsingan orang lain, baik aku noktahkan catatan aku ini.

fikirkanlah, kenapa kita ni banyak sangat cekadaknya?

*cekadak = col. v. hal, kerenah
*peel = n. kerenah juga

masih jauh

2009-01-14T02:18:00.000-08:00

"hentian seterusnya...?"

aku bermimpi tadi,
aku berdiri di satu landasan,
aku melihat masih jauh perjalananku,
jenuh ke merenung,
di mana destinasi perjalananku.

Aku mula gusar dan bimbang,
kebimbangan meruap-ruap,
aku sedar tiada siapa di stesen,
aku sendiri...

Aku ingin kembali,
tetapi aku kini berada diantara
destinasiku dan halamanku,
aku lebih gusar,
tiketku tertulis
"sehala"

aku tidak mahu jauh dari halaman,
namun aku tertarik untuk ke sana...

harus bagaimana?

aku pun terjaga...

Oooo itu namanya ironi

2009-01-13T22:01:00.000-08:00

"irononya, beg tangan yang bertangan"

hari ini aku ada kelas lagi

haduh...

(aku mesti berhenti mengeluh setiap kali aku cakap aku ada kelas, sebab aku ada beberapa bulan saja lagi sebelum aku tamat pengajian)

pagi ini kelas aku bermula jam 8.30 pagi.

Haduh...

Disebabkan teratak aku letaknya jauh dari menara gading aku, maka aku harus bangkit lebih awal dari biasa agar aku sempat sampai ke kelas tanpa perlu tercungap-cungap mengejar masa.

Dalam aku cuba sedaya upaya untuk cepat, sesuatu perkara yang aku cukup menyampah telah terjadi.

perut meragam. perut meragam disiang hari.

Ia melanda ketika aku sudah siap siaga untuk ke kelas, disebabkan aku tidak mahu kelewatan, aku pun bertekad untuk menahan kesakitan itu sampai aku tiba di fakulti.

Malang tidak berbau...

Aku tidak dapat menahan, setibanya aku di stesen Shah Alam, aku dengan sedaya usaha aku memasuki tandas awam yang disediakan.

Ironinya....

Tandas penuh, biasanya aku tengok lengang je tandasnya. Bil akau nak guna, mesti ada orang.
Ini membuatkan aku menjadi runsing.

Runsing...

Selama 5 minit aku tunggu, kedua-dua ruang termenung itu masih berpenghuni. Ini membuatkan kepala aku jadi pusing, peluh mula memenuhi ruang dahi aku yang agak luas ini.
Lebih runsing. Kerunsingan telah membuatkan kesakitan aku itu pergi.
Maka, burn la 20 sen aku yang aku berikan kepada pak cik yang menjaga pintu tandas itu.

Letih...

Aku pun berjalan keluar dari stesen Komuter tersebut dan berjalan ke tempat menunggu bas. Tekad untuk menaiki bas dan bukan teksi walau apa terjadi sekali pun.

10 minit berlalu,
Bayang bas pun tiada.

Hasiy...

Ironinya, lalulah seorang rakan yang baru lepas manghantar seorang rakan ke stesen yang sama. Setelah diajak, aku pun dengan senang hatinya membonceng motosikal milik rakan aku ini. Disaat itu lah, bas yang aku tunggu, berbselisih dengan motor yang aku tunggang.

Maka tibalah aku di Fakulti aku, dan aku pun meluru ke tandas yang berdekatan. Maka lepas lah hajat aku.

Pagi ini aku ada kelas Professional Development. Tak tahu la dalam Bahasa Ibunda apa namanya.

Aku teringat lecturer aku cakap;

"menurut Ibnu Khaldun, setiap 120 ke 130 tahun, sesuatu tamadun akan runtuh. Ini kerana semakin tinggi ilmu sesuatu tamadun itu, semakin rendah nilai moral mereka. Maka, undang-undang dan peraturan itu dicipta untuk mengurangkan keruntuhan moral." Kata beliau. ( oh, ini lecturer yang lain, beliau juga suka bercerita tentang kisah hidup dan kisah nyata tentang hidup)

ironi, sepatutnya semakin tinggi ilmu, semakin tinggi nilai moral seusatu masyarakat itu, tetapi keadaan sudah menjadi terbalik.

Hairan...

aku tidak bijak dan tidak mampu meninterpritasi nilai-nilai kemanusiaan dan kemampuan akal mereka berfikir. aku juga tidak mampu membaca gerak dan lankah manusia.
Namun, aku tetap gemar melihat dan cuba mentafsir apa erti disebalik tingkah laku manusia-manusia ini.

moralnya;

hidup ini banyak unsur ironi yang kadang kala kita terlepas pandang.

berhati-hatilah dengan ironi....

Manusia dan Kemanusiaan

2009-01-12T21:48:00.000-08:00

kelas lagi hari ni...
haisy...

kelas tadi adalah kelas kaunseling keluarga. ya, aku seorang pelajar minor kaunseling. aku tak tau kenapa aku ambil minor ni tapi nak buat macam mana, benda dah jadi, aku pun dah nak habis belajar dah.

memandangkan lecturer aku suka memulakan kelasnya dengar kisah-kisah hidup beliau, maka kami pun terpaksa la buat-buat tertarik mendengar kisah beliau itu.

buat-buat

tapi hari ni beliau menggunakan medium akhbar untuk mengkaitan apa yang kitaorang belajar dengan realiti hidup masa kini.

realiti, perkataan yang sering dianggap serius. Sebab ia memang serius.

maka beliau pun dengan penuh usaha la membaca la akhbar yang dibawa itu. Akhbar itu akhbar berbahasa bapanda. dalam terbelit-belit lidah beliau tu, beliau pun berjaya menyampaikan mesej yang ingin disampaikan.

Kes 1 - Seorang kanak-kanak perempuan berusia lima tahun telah dirogol dan diliwat oleh sepasang remaja kembar berusia 17 tahun. Kanak-kanak perempuan tersebut dibela oleh ibu kepada si kembar ni. tatkala ibunya keluar (mungkin ke pasar atau ke kedai atau mungkin juga ke rumah sebelah bergosip - tak baik bersikap serkap jarang) maka, dua orang (mungkin patut di panggil haiwan) remaja ini pun mengambil kesempatan keatas anak kecil ini. Dilaporkan bahawa, anak kecil tersebut mengadu sakit di bahagian dubur dan kemaluannya. lantas, ibu tersebut pun melaporkan kepada pihak polis dan telah pun menangkap pasangan kembar tersebut bagi membantu siasatan.

kes 2 - Seorang remaja berusia 18 tahun telah ditahan polis kerana telah melakukan salah laku seks keatas seorang kanak-kanak lelaki yang terencat akal. Menurut laporan, kanak-kanak tersebut telah dipujuk oleh remaja ini untuk mengikutnya ke seuatu semak sewaktu dia sedang bermain di taman permainan. Di situ, remaja tersebut telah menyuruh kanak-kanak tersebut melakukan seks oral keatasnya dan juga remaja tersebut telah meliwat kanak-kanak itu.

menyedihkan

bagaimana perkara seperti ini boleh berlaku? aku sendiri tak tahu? sebab terlalu terdedah dengan bahan bahan "biru"? atau, anak muda sekarang ni dah memang terlalu gatal? tak tahu lah...
aku pun bukan la baik sangat sebab tu aku tak tahu apa salahnya dan dimana salahnya. mungkin kita tidak patut menyalahkan sesiapa tetapi kita perlu berfikir macam mana perkara ini boleh berlaku dan penyelesaiannya. mungkin juga ia tidak berkesudahan?

maka aku pun mula lah menggaru-garu kepala lagi...

Aku ada lagi satu hari shoot jumaat ni. tak sangka dalam masa beberapa hari rezeki datang melimpah ruah. Benda tak la banyak tapi untuk orang yang baru nak mula, it's something. Mungkin tahun nie adalah tahun permulaan aku dalam dunia warna warni ini. Amiiiiiin.

itu hari, aku ada shoot dengan Popiah pictures untuk drama terbaru diaorang la. Alhamdulillah aku dapat peluang untuk berkerja dalam satu kelompok yang berlainan daripada yang selama ini aku berkerja.

Memandangkan ini adalah permulaan yang baru dengan team yang baru, maka aku pun mengambil kesempatan tersbut untuk mengaplikasikan apa yang Rosyam Nor turunkan kepada aku waktu aku shoot dengan dia itu hari.

harap-harap ini bukan kali terakhir aku dapat berkerja dengan team ini.

kali ini juga aku dapat berkenalan dengan beberapa manusia yang pada pandangan aku, golongan muda yang kreatif dan berbakat;

isma - pada pengamatan aku gadis yang pandai membawa watak yang jauh dari realiti dirinya yang sebenar.
bob - manusia yang lain dari apa yang kita lihat. aku kenal dia sebagai the evil one dalam Kami. tapi dalam realiti dia seorang yang baik la. dah dia juga seorang pelakon yang berbakat
iedil - aku perhatikan dia sebagai seorang yang distance tapi friendly. datang dari dunia teater (sama seperti bob dan isma) dan juga seorang yang berbakat dalam pembawaan watak.

aku harap aku dapat jadi seperti mereka dan golongan muda yang berbakat di luar sana. kerana aku juga mahu menyumbangkan jus kreatif dan bakat aku kepada industri kita ini.

banyak lagi yang perlu aku pelajari (dari mereka dan dari semua orang).

langkah kakiku sering di halang,
oleh kekecewaan dan kehampaan,
kini, aku akan terus mengatur lankahku,
biar kakiku dipasung,
biar tanganku diikat,
biar mataku buta,
namun semangatku tidak mungkin terpadam.

itulah manusia dan kemanusiaan...

masa untuk berubah

2009-01-11T23:19:00.000-08:00

disclaimer: the title has got nothing to do with any telco provider.

i realize something, i have been writing so many entry in English maybe i think it's time for me to write a few entries in Malay.
Tak ada salah bukan? Lagipun bukan ramai sangat pun orang yang nak bertandang dekat naskah ni.

tak pe.

sambil menggaru-garu kepala.

"intrigued" itu perkataan pertama yang terpacul di kepala otak yang bersarang nie. salah aku ke sebab jarang guna bahasa Ibunda dalam bidang penulisan? Atau memang aku yang tak pernah berjumpa dengan perkataan yang seerti dengan perkatan tu.

garu-garu lagi...

mulalah aku membelek kamus.

"cintailah kamus anda"

intrigue kk 1 berkomplot; bersetongkol; 2 menimbulkan perasaan gemar (tertarik, cenderung) kepada sesuatu

intrigue kn komplot; setongkolan; percintaan sulit

percintaan sulit?

hey! itu bukan apa yang aku carik.
maka mulalah aku menggaru-garu kepala lagi

aku pun buatlah kesimpulan sendiri, makna yang terdekat adalah terpesona (mungkin?), bahawa kadang-kala bahasa ni boleh menimbulkan keraguan dan perbalahan. Apa yang aku cakap sekarang mungkin bermakna pada aku dan pada panda kamu semua mungkin apa yang aku sampaikan ini hanya untuk menonjolkan diri aku sahaja.

terpulanglah.

berbalik kepada program aku. Usaha mencoret dalam bahasa Ibunda.

Secara jujurnya aku sangat terpesona (intrigued) dengan kemahiran mereka-mereka yang mampu mencoret (bukan mencarut) dengan penuh kemahiran sama ada dalam bahasa Ibunda mahupun bahasa Bapanda. Apa yang aku dapat teliti disini adalah mereka yang datangnya dari dunia penuh berseni. Sama ada kerjaya mereka adalah yang berkaitan dengan Dunia Pengiklanan (advertising), Dunia Lakonan, juga Dunia Seni (crafts). Mereka ini mampu menarik perhatian dalam cara penulisan mereka. Tabik spring aku kasi kat kau orang semua yang mampu menulis. Menulis dengan baik.

baik ini ada banyak definisinya. Setiap orang ada pandangan mereka tentang apa itu baik. Pada hemat seorang polis, menangkap perompak itu satu perbuatan yang baik. Dan pada hemat seorang perompak pula, merompak itu, baik padanya. Baik atas landasan yang mereka lalui.

Samalah kesnya dengan Pihak Zionis, Hamas dan Kroni Amerika yang buat-buat tak tahu tentang perang hujung zaman ni.
Banyak cakap-cakap yang kita dapat dengar sekarang. Lebih kurang macam ni lah;

Orang A akan cakap; Boikot lah barang itu, barang ini, sebab barang-barang ni sebahagaian daripada keuntungan diaorang disalurkan ke rejim tentera Zionis.

Orang B pula akan cakap; Jangan boikot, ini boleh merosakkan ekonomi kita. Susah kita nanti.

Orang C cakap; Boikot la, kalau boikot nanti lumpuh la rejim zionis. (sambil minum Coke)

Aku pun tak tau. Aku terperasan lecturer aku cakap.

Kita harus boikot, dan inilah masanya untuk berubah, mula sokong barangan tempatan. Jangan minum Starbucks mula minum Teh Tarik. Dengan ini, kita membantu perniagaan perniagaan kecil yang baru nak berkembang. Ini juga boleh membantu ekonomi kita, kalau kita semua berpadu tenaga.

Nama kita nak pergi berjuang dekat sana, harapan la, berjuang untuk mempertahankan rumah pun belum tentu lagi, ini kan pula nak pergi berjuang mempertahankan rumah saudara kita?

sudahlah!

kalau kita tak mampu nak buat yang besar-besar tu, kita sama-sama buat yang kecil-kecil nie. Aku tau musti akan yang akan membentak dan berkata

"ala mamat ni, cakap je lebih ntah-ntah dia pun selambe je makan McD, minum Coke... poyo je"

Terpulanglah.

Aku cuba sedaya upaya untuk membantu sedaya, sekadar tak minum Coke, tak makan makanan laju (fast food) aku boleh survive lagi. Banyak kedai mamak yang boleh aku makan dan banyak kedai Tom Yam tepi jalan yang dapat mengenyangkan perut aku tanpa menyusutkan saiz wallet aku.

Sebab aku teringat mak aku cakap;

"setiap ringgit yang kita bayar untuk membeli barangan-barangan zionis nie, sama la macam kita melaburkan wang untuk sebutir peluru yang akan membunuh anak-anak yang tak berdosa di hamas tu."

Maka, memikirkan tentang peluru yang bakal menusuk paru-paru, jantung, dan organ lain anak-anak yang tak bersalah ni, aku berusaha untuk memboikot beberapa perkara yang tersenarai sebagai penyumbang kepada regim zionis ini.

kau orang pulak macam mana? sanggup jadi pelabur peluru yang membunuh anak-anak tak berdosa?

fikirkan lah.

Akal dan hati diberi pada manusia,
maka,
Gunalah sebaiknya,
jika tidak,
Samalah juga kau dengan haiwan itu.

renungkan sejenak.

no body cares

2009-01-04T20:50:00.001-08:00

alasanku by sheila on 7

Aku telah salah
Ragukan niatmu
Akulah lelaki
Dengan jiwa bocah

Yang coba dewasa
Yang coba berubah
Mohon dampingilah
Jangan tinggalkan

Tak terbayangkan
Jika kau pergi

Kau alasanku untuk dewasa
Dan aku tak ingin kau terluka
Seganap jiwa akan kujaga
Keindahanmu

Menepi sejenak denganku
Bahagia selamanya denganku

A Public Service Announcement

2009-01-04T17:22:00.000-08:00

So we are now in our day 5 in 2009. Let's take a moment to be grateful with the new year hence new life that we have been given upon.

For a moment, let's forget about the argument we had with our spouse, our financial problem, our relationship problem with our friends or acquaintances or the fact that we don't have enough time.

For a moment also, let's flip the news paper or the news channel and see the devestation that our brothers and sisters are facing. They the unfortunate people in the East Banks - the Palestinian. They have been mentally, physically, economically, as well as socially tortured.
The young ones were killed mercilessly, the women got raped like worthless being and the men they were tortured and then killed.
Their water supplied had been cut off by the cruel zionist, they have been made prisoners in their own land.

In this light let's take a moment to be thankful with what we have;
Least that we have our spouse by our side -no matter how pain in the ass that person might be. Least he/she is still alive and not killed or raped or tortured.

Least that we still have money to pay rent and bills - though we can't really splurge on anything but we still have enough to get by. And not being deprived in any sense and way.

Least that we still have our friend we can still socialize and we can still make new friends - when we end a friendship. And we know our friend is still well and alive and we do not have to constantly have to worry about their well being.

Finally, we still have time to live our life. We don't to have to worry about not having enough time to life or being killed by stray bullet or being bombed.

For a moment let's be thankful again to Him for giving us all the things that we need and let's pray to Him that He will protect our brothers and sisters there and shower peace upon the shaky land again.

It's all about peace not really much of a religious matter. it's about human rights.

Let's take a moment to say our prayers to God that He will help the Palestinian in their troubled times.

-amin-

Nuff said!

Peace

He's not that bad after all...

2008-12-30T02:28:00.000-08:00

yesterday (29th December) marks the final day of my gruesome days of shoot.
as much as i like it to come to an end, i felt a tinge so sadness to leave the hustle and bustle and the loooooong agonizing wait.
fortunately, as the curtain abt to draw, i finally got the chance to talk to mr hero guy. and i must say that he is not THAT bad after all, just that we started off at the wrong end.

We talked and he shared some of his knowledge about the industry and i noticed that he is kind of religious. He inserted some analogy about life and religion.
When he share what he knows, that really burns my spirit to go on and learn and try and make it big.

actually he might be kinda rough and has the mouth of a nasty monster but deep inside he is a nice person...

i will remember that moment forever :)

peace

come home

2008-12-26T02:30:00.000-08:00

Hello world
Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I’m young
For speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They’re in their own place trying to make it right
But I’m tired of justifying
So i say you’ll..

[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oooh

[Verse 2]
I get lost in the beauty
Of everything i see
The world ain’t as half as bad
As they paint it to be
If all the sons
If all the daughters
Stopped to take it in
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin
It might start now..Yeahh
Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud
Until then

[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home
Oooh

[Interlude]
Everything i can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why i need you here
Everything i can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why i need you here
So hear this now

[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home
Come home

this is a song sung by one republic (now got updated version fea. sara bareilles the one who sang Love Song and Between the line)
it is a song about love and missing the one u love and clinging on the hope that he/she will stay with you because he/she is the source of your love

i really love this song
it makes me cry every time i listen to this song...

yes ANNA i cry alot LOL

i cry because i will remember the love of my other half to me and how i might not survive without that person~~~

nuff said
(gosh i blogged alot today)

p/s thanks K for letting me know the updated version of the song luv ya lil kiddo

..and the Spirit went away~~

2008-12-25T19:32:00.000-08:00

if i were the city i would scream too

Last night the whole gang watched Spirit in the spirit of Chrismas LOL.
we were all hyped up to watch it (well not really we wanted to watch bedtime story but it was full and t he next show was at 1.15 am).
My sis and i went and bought the tix while my other half waited at Dome with our other sisters.
So at the ticket counter we bought the ticket the only available seats left was 5 rows from the screen. Both of us was abit skeptic about the distance but the guys at the counter said "no.. it's okay usually if i go and watch movie i will sit at the from these seat will not hurt your neck" (at the end of the show we learnt that he lied LOL)

So my sis and i were contemplating where will miss F be seated. in the end she sat
between my sis and the other sis. pity them...

(half of the spirit went away when F comes along)

at the movie... the movie starts the 1st half and hour was good
"she's my lover, she's all that i have, she's my life, and i am her spirit, and she is the love of my life..."
basically the whole 1 and a half hour was about that. seriously. if you think Sin City was bad... beware! things could get nastier with Spirit, at least u can see half naked ladies in Sin city but not in Spirit.

The story is actually about obsession...

- The Spirit's obsession with Ladies (yes he sees his city as a lady...gross isn't it?)and the Octopus (no don't get confuse with Dr. Octopus from Spiderman. in fact this octopus doesn't have 8 hands or tentacles for that matter and now i am confused)

- Sand Seref's obsession with bling-blings (she started off liking diamond and finally she wanted to get the Golden Fleece)

- Octopus's obsession with (no... not with black ink or tentacles) being immortal being a god or the next best thing (according to Silken Floss) and wanting hereceles' blood.

- Silken Floss obsession with her look ( i mean she can spot different looks and still look mighty fine)

- Lorelei Rox's obsession with The spirit (well along with most of the ladies - and occasionally guys - in Central City USA) and she's a god of death and also water spirit... nuff said

so basically it's about obsession i guess the movie should be named obsession so it will not cause any confusion to the audience.

and hence, the other half of the spirit went away after the movie and it makes me having monologues in m head like The Spirit does. Crap!

i would give it 2 1/2 stars mainly because i had some comedy elements in it and at least it does not make me go to sleep... bravo!

but then again we do need some obsession once in a while in our life right? so that we can actually move forward...

another lesson learn in 2008

:)

nuff said

peace

Yes = Good thing

2008-12-25T19:20:00.000-08:00

Recently i watched Yes Man at the movie and i have to tell you that it was a really nice movie. Funny, yet it has a lot of enlightenment towards life. Such as:

- we must not think too much abt thing. be more spontaneous
- life is lived once, so make the most of it while you're still breathing.
- as much as it is hard to do saying yes can lead to something better. sooner or later.
- jim carey is a very versatile actor.

well maybe the last one is not embedded in the movie but i learnt it from the movie too.

aaaaanyways....

lately i have been doing things that i do not like to do, which is reporting things that i do t o my other half. (yes my dear i do not like it... but it's ok as long as you are happy). at first it was kind of difficult but all in all i learn to cope with it. and guess what? something good came up!

so i saw this person at one of social networking page (M) and i added this person up and let's name this person K. As I added K up, i told my other to check K up because K is kinda cute due to the age (17 - yes that makes me some sort of a pedophilia - shut up!) and at the same time i added K up at an instant messenger we call YM. so as i was talking to K i was updating my other half to and my other half added K up also because they have similarities. They both LOVE Britney Spears. And so they got to talking i talk to K and K talks to my other half. And K said you guys are sooooo cute. and K changed his status on YM to "meet the cute couple" the i corrected K i said change it to meet the cuteEST couple and so K changed it.

from then on, K, my other half and I communicate. K learn abt us, and we learn K. K's other half etc.
we became good friends (although it was only like 2 days but so far so good)
hopefully this will last LOL

yeah i believe that when we sign up to do things that we don't like sooner or later as the ball rolls, it will get better, once we get the hang of it.

another lesson learn in 2008. very good. very very good.

the curtain call

2008-12-22T18:35:00.000-08:00

the year has come to it's end yet again.
usually i would go and say what the hell had happened to my 365 1/4 days?
but now i am taking a more positive approach in facing the final days of '08 and embarking on the dawn of '09. I mean look at the bright side i am FINALLY completing my Bachelor's Degree after eons of studying. so there is no reason to be stressed or pissed that 08 has come the end.
'08 has been a great year and i finally felt that i am living my life to the fullest (okay maybe not YET but getting there working in progress)
in '08 i've learnt that:

1. i am still in love with the same person that i loved in '07 and will still love that person even more in '09.
2. i've learnt the hard way on who's my friend and who's not. (i am not easy to forgive kinda person LOL)
3. i've become closer to the people i thought will rip my head off i say something that's not right (that's my sis LOL)
4. in this year too i've gained lots of experience which includes:

a) i have experienced how tough it was being a teacher.
b) i gained experienced working in a boutique
c) i am now experiencing working in an office
d) i learnt how to use mac and being a designer (it's not easy LOL)
e) i am experiencing the fist of acting. (it's not as glitzy as it looked or sound but i believe that in '09 i will have my break in the industry)
f) i had a gist of Quickie (although it was not for long)

5. i met henry of quickie
6. i manage up get connected back with the people i lsat met abt 2 or 3 years ago. and it's refreshing to know how much each of us has grow.

all the reasons above are the reason why i should not feel like i've wasted 08. i had lived a great year and i am looking forward to have a greater year in 09.

so... sayonara 08 great to live in u and
welcome 09 hope to have greater experience with you...

so where will we celebrate the curtain call of 08 and the rise of 09?
Pavilion maybe?
*wink* *wink* to my sis LOL

The Last Time

2008-12-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

It took me a while to actually put this up. I dont't know why i have to think a lot in putting this up. but here goes.

when was the last time i went to watch a movie that I WANT?
when was the last time i buy things that i want?
when was the last time i spend my time with my other half just strolling around?
when was the last time i go where ever i want without having to think about lots of things?
when was the last time i eat McD with my other half?
when was the last time i bought myself a book?

i can't remember all this. it seems like such a long time ago.
i want to do the things i did before. the things we did before.
now things have change, seems like time has grown shorter on me, u, us and everybody.
at times i feel like i don't even know who i am or even worse who u are...

i don't like this...

seriously i do...

i want to eat mcd

seriously i do

i want to buy books

seriously i do...

nuff said!

superficial

2008-12-06T07:46:00.001-08:00

superficial...
it's been a while since i used that word. thanks to my sister miss anna R who reminded me of that word. not that she is superficial or aything she just wanted to say something to my other half but couldn't find the right word. and the word is... you're right! superficial.

superficial is sounds scientific to any laymen. right? but it's in our blood. we are superficial, like it or not. we ALWAYS judge the book by it's cover. don't give me the i'm not that kind of person. example, we choose ones with the best packaging, the brightest color, the biggest or the one with the best promotion when we are choosing things to buy. there a simple example of superficial. and like it or not, we kind of imply that on human being. let's face it, we want to be around people who are good looking or at the very least pleasent. despite the fact they are a total B***H or jerks etc.
no doubt there are not so good looking people who are B***Hes and JERKs too. however, there are also people who are goodlooking and nice and all. these are what we call blessings.

i am now witnessing my sister and my other half discussing, planning and doing god knows what related to work and they are totally busy. schedules are full to the max. WHAT THE HELL!!!! hahahahaha

here i am writing blog and browsing the net. i browsed this modelling website to check the models out and i was like "c'mon i am goodlooking than this person" and by saying this i am not THAT goodlooking okay. and these people get jobs etc. why can't i? maybe because i complaint alot?
so what... some people complain and they get what they want. well maybe because they do something about it right? but i did something, doesn't it count? i am not being grateful but... gosh... here i go again... falliq stop rationalizing urself...

I AM A MEGA STAR!!!!

if not,
I AM A GIGA STAR!!!!

LOL

nuff said

"The city is at a war
Playtime for the young and rich
Ignore me if you see me 'cause I just don't give a shit
The city is at war
Bless the young and rich
With designer drugs and designer friends"

"the city is at war" - cobra starship

- hey i have one of those things, designers friends :D

my final final words

COBRA STARSHIP WROCKS!!!!!!!

NUFF SAID

peace

2008-12-02T05:24:00.000-08:00

you were born to be a star
-anna r-

so finally i reached the day of my shoot. for a first day it was CRAP! but i guess that's the price you gotta pay to climb the heaven's stairs to reach the star. to get up there is extremely difficult.

first day
my call time was at 2 on a friday. it was bad enough that they kinda ask me to find a pair of cargo pants and a pair of black boots last minute. on that very day, i had to wait for 9 hours to start my scene (of which lasts for about 5 - 10 minutes ONLY) that's the downside of acting with a big star.

second day
the call time was at 8 in the morning. oh yeah the night before the shoot ends at 12 a.m then my friend picked me up because he wanted to talked about something with me. (and i thought i had big problems) we ended our meeting at abt 3 and i had to wake up at 6 something to catch the train to get to the set which is located smack in the middle of the city center. when i arrived at about 8.30, as usual, mr. superstar is still not around. this time he made an improvement, he arrived at about 9.30 or something. my scene starts at about 3 p.m and because mr. superstar has an appointment he had to left early. one good thing about working with mr. superstar is that if he leaves the set, meaning my presence there is not needed anymore. which means i left at about 6 something or seven.

i was happy to meet my other half arriving (although looking rather tired) with a smile. it gave me such relief. so we went to get crafty to meet the gang.we stayed there until 10. then, me, my other half and our sister make our way to pavilion to meet her sweet heart. we chilled there until closing time (which was about 12.30) finally we arrived home at about 1 a.m.

oh on the second day i met siti fazurina (the one who potrayed Anita in the same name title comedy series). she is a nice lady, not as snobbish as as i thought (and others), soft spoken not so diva. in a nutshell she is nice.

30th no shoot - to honour my sister's birthday :D

3rd day
call time: 12 p.m
actual shoot : 3 p.m

basically the day went smoothly. we met our third member of the technician team. miss watie from the disfunct. girl group, elite. she is a nice lady. totally friendly and funny too. she fits in the group nicely. with achong around we end up in tears (of laughter) every other minute. nothing much going on just that the shooting ended at 1 a.m. thank god miss watie leaves somewhere around the neighbourhood where my other half live so without a tinge of shame, i asked for if she could give me a ride. i think she had no other choice but to say yes. i felt bad but i had to go home or else i am stuck there.
all in all the day went on just nice.
up to this point there were no script
(maybe i should try being a mime actor)

today (4th day)
call time: 1 p.m
actual shoot: ...

so i arrived at the location. wet from sweat, tired, and sick. i arrived took my lunch and wait and wait and wait and wait...
apparently there were no scene for us for the day. which was kinda crap. but hey i got free food. :D
to i left the location at about 7.
oh they took me as a stand in for mr. superstar who had to leave early.

so here iam tired sick and kinda hungry (though i have no appetite) up dating my blog LOL

herm...

i guess all these are tests to see if i really want to make it. right?

oh another thing it really baffles me one of the extra, acted in alot of commercials. and (not to brag or sound like an extreme narcissist) i think he is not that good looking... crap!

anyways...

i'll see when i can write again till then i shall endure all this with lotsa patience
and also the love and support from those who loves me

peace

I AM A STAR!

nuff said

people with mission

2008-11-26T18:13:00.000-08:00

"Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone's task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it."
Viktor E. Frankl

everyone on this planet has his/her own mission in life. Be it to annoy younger siblings or to gain wealth or to travel the globe or anything. Each and every individual has their own mission in life.Like what Mr. Frankl said, it cannot be replaced for life itself cannot be repeated so like it or not we have to embrace the mission with our heart. This is because these mission that we received will mold us into who or what we are.

my other half is going on his/her mission on the day that i myself will embark on my mission. both of our missions are different yet, it is what we received and we have to face it because we have to do it.

my mission starts on the 28th where it is my first day shoot for the drama series. it is my mission to excel in this because this where i am going to proof myself:
- that i was created to be a star (vain i know)
- to proof to my dad that i am worth something
- to show to my mother that all her sacrifice worth while
- to show my other half that i am achieving our dreams and i will not abandon our relationship
- to show to my friends that their faith and support worth while
- to show those skeptics that i can do it

i am worried about my other half's mission it is more dangerous than mine. but i have full faith in Allah and He knows that whatever mission that he puts him/her through it's for the best.

as for me, i have no idea how to face the battle this 28th, i have no script, i was told that the script will be on the spot, and i have no idea when is the call time. (that's the downside of showbiz, u have to be on your feet always...)

i am utmost happy with the opportunity and i will do my utmost best to make my time worth while there...

sigh...

mission

remember;

whatever life puts you through, always know that He has His own reason for doing it. Face it with dignity and learn from it

nuff said!

of men and gem

2008-11-24T21:35:00.000-08:00

insan dan manikam by M.Nasir

Ya insan yang hadir (oh those who present)
Dengarkan semua (listen all)
Ku isytiharkan dengan hati terbuka (i'll declare to you whole heartedly)
Ya insan yang daif (oh poor man)
Insaflah semua (repent now)
Manikam yang di sangkakan (the gem that you thought)
Bukan yang asli (was not a genuine)
Hanya seiras dan serupa (only similar and alike)
Ya insan yang hagas (oh boastful ones)
Awasilah semua (all must beware)
Maya yang indah (a beautiful illusion)
Ada kudisnya (has her own flaws)
Jangan terpedaya (oh don't be fooled)

Angin yang membawa berita (the wind that brings news)
Pancaindera yang memang lemah (our weak human nature)
Mudah terkeliru (easily deceived)

Pak tua menangis sendiri (An old man cried alone)
Mengenangkan nasib diri (contemplating fate of life)
Walaupun puas mencari (though he's been searching his life)
Namun belum ketemui (yet, he found none)
Cik Buyung riang selalu (a young lady, happy everyday)
Damai dan senang hati (peace and complete)
Walaupun tak berusaha (though she never tried)
Dia ketemui (she has found...)

Dia ketemui (she found)
Apa dicari (what she searched)
Dia ketemui (she has found)
Yang abadi (the eternity)
Dia ketemui (she has found)

Alam yang membawa cerita (nature that brings news)
Pancaindera yang memang lemah (our human nature that is weak)
Mudah terkeliru (easily deceived)

*************************************************************************************

the first time i heard this song was when i was 5 or 6 years old. my mother has been a huge fan of M.Nasir (one of the greatest artist in the country) so i practically grew up listening to song like this.

this song in particular is a very very deep song. one can relate to it. i know i could. it tells how real the world is no matter how nice and lovely something is, it sure has flaws. just like us. just like me.

and being human, it is our nature to be weak and be susceptible to accept anything nice without thinking of the repercussion. well... that's human right?

i love the part where he told that one person search something his whole life and found nothing while the other doesn't do anything yet, she finds it. whatever she was searching for...

in life it is like that. you might search the world for something but found nothing. however, when you weren't looking for it, it's there.
that's just life

note to self... i should learn to not to take things personally...

it's a very nice song anyways...

nuff said...

sudden burst of realization

2008-11-24T21:27:00.000-08:00

call me silly but i just found out that "you are my sunshine" is a very sad song.

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
you never know dear
How much i love you
Please don't take
My sunshine away...

tell me how can that not be sad? i mean how the persona practically begged for the sunshine to not to go away. worst thing is it is his/her ONLY sunshine. honestly i cried when i heard it... and it played in my head time and time again...

deep in my heart i beg to GOD
please don't take MY sunshine away...
i can't live without it,
my whole world be dark and gloomy,
i will be lost,
please oh please don't take away my sunshine...
i really really need it...

tired

2008-11-24T20:02:00.000-08:00

"eyes hurt, hands shiver"
- hush hush by PCD

i have no idea but lately i feel like there's a huge boulder resting up my shoulder. i am tired physically, mentally and emotionally and i have no idea why. i feel like i am the greek god atlas carrying the globe on his back (although it was a huge misconception towards the greek god)

i have no idea why i feel like this. i want to talk about it but i have no idea who would listen to me and not being judgmental or relate it to him/her or think that he/she had caused it.
because i have no idea why i feel this way.
i wish i could be someone who could blame everyone and everything for making me feel the way i do.
i can't because i am not like that.

i wish that i could just scream and then vanish and start things over again. like reborn or something like that.
but i can't because i am don't have that sort of power.

i wish i could stop wishing and move on.

i wish i could be me and not care about lotsa things anymore
money, feelings, other people...
i hate being considerate when other people just does not consider me at all...

i wish i could consult someone or something and be certain when i have doubts.

i wish...

i wish...

i wish...

i wish whoever created the word wish didn't create it because wishing is makes people hurt especially when he/she knows that i will not happen at all...

screw whoever created that bloody word!
rot in HELL!!!!!!

nuff said!

The Call

2008-11-23T18:14:00.000-08:00

this past few weeks have been an eventful one this includes;
1. i changed my job
2. i met my sister after a looooooong while
3. i had the talk with my other half and
4. i receive the call (althought it was not what i had been waiting for but it is still something interesting)

so i was doing sudoku on my bed at about 12.30 am when suddenly my phn satrs to sing Christina's new song, "Keeps Getting Better", that indicates someone is calling me.
"hello, Cham here," said the male voice
"cham who?" i was extremely blur
"Cham didi" replied the man
and then a very familiar voice came on the background
"you don't even know us anymore! how ungrateful!"
at that moment i realize who that guy was.
"yes papa bao, how may i help you?"
"are you free now or are u having any major examination or anything?"
"i am free as a bird" i ommited a small detail abt me working
"here talk to your sis" we called her sis because she is older that we are and she is like a sister.
"how dare you, haven't call us and u guys just kep quiet... how ungrateful." quiet and then she laughed.
"okay here's the deal. if u are free i need you to act in a new drama series with Malaysia's number one male actor. you will be sparring with him." he favourite word is sparring it makes mne feel like i will be kicking the guy's a** or something.
"it will be showed on january 1st 09 during the Samarinda slot."
i was hypervantilating...
i need air
i need... i have no idea i was excited!
"yeah sure i am free... oh thank you thank you thank you" i don't know how many times i said thank you to her.

it is one of my dreams to be acting in that drama slot. i mean it's kinda primetime and people loves that slot. it's my breaking point. howe can i not be excited

"you and Ian was selected to be part of this series" SELECTED? was she serious? selected
that's a huge word!

then she said i'll text u the details later.

and there i was all excited and i can't sleep
i called my other half and i can hear how proud the person is...

and that makes me happy...

in a nutshell

God has a very funny way in giving what you want. have faith and it will come. Praise Allah my prayers have been answered and i will do my best to go farther!

nuff said!

question existing

2008-11-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

now i'm being bitter... don't like it stop reading or else just deal with it!

i don't know why but i think it is UNIVERSAL RULE stating that:

"everything can do pretty much anything such as throw their tantrum, being bitter, mean, complain, achieve greater heights in life, etc., but not he has to present good behaviour, attitude, be extremely patient and be very durable to anything that comes towards him."

i mean what the hell... whenever i become slightly bitter people would say "hey why are u behaving like this?" or "awh c'mon don't make a big fuss about it" it seems as though i am the kind of person who LOVES to throw tantrum around... ARGHHH!!!!

i hate this feeling it makes me feel like good girl gone bad so what? i mean girl or boy i am still human doesn't it mean that i have the privilege to misbehave or something i am after all human i come with flaws... and when i feel like it, i feel like i want to breakin' the dishes so that people know what i am feeling you know?

i am the kind of person who lives by "if they can do it, why can't i?" so if i do things that other people do why can't i? why don't you shut up and drive and for once let me do something human like complain or being impatient, when i talk about something or ask about things i just want to get it out of my system it's not like i want to know the answer a simple "i don't know" would suffice. when it's out of my sistem i will take a bow and i will pick up the umbrella and go dancing in the rain.

sometimes i feel like i am living in disturbia where everyone and everything expects the best out of me when all i can give is disappointment. i feel like i want to cry

all that's been said and done please don't stop the music i am happy with whatever that i have now and whatever i am facing and have now i am thankful. just sell me candy once in a while and make me happy. i am trying to make every1 happy very much. if not i will be to stressed out and i have to be admitted to some rehab . not good...

i am feeling slightly better now it's all out of my system...

i am back to normal hehehehe

nuff said...

peace

the letter D

2008-10-31T04:32:00.000-07:00

do u know that there are many negative words that came from the letter D? to add that up, even the location of the letter is not so good. it's the 4th letter and according to chinese belief, 4 is realted to death (yup the word death starts with the letter D). Under D u can find;
devastation, desperation, death, deprivation, de-motivated, doubt, devil, deny, dangerous, disgusting and also DISAPPOINTMENT.

yup disappointment...

it's hard word to anyone....

"you're such a disappointment" that sentence itself could send anyone to an extreme nervous breakdown.

i am throughly disappointed with a dear friend of mine. i mean what have i done wrong to him that he treats me this way? UGH! i have tried being the best friend that he could ever have. when he was hungry, my family fed him (although his family is well enough to fed him). when he needs a place to stay i without hesitation provide him shelter for the night. but is this they way he repays me? if this is the way, i suggest just keep it to yourself...

i am sitting here staring at the screen and the blinking cursor thinking of what am i going to write... my head is throbbing, my heart is aching, and i just can't focus...

my other half... i need you and i miss you so much...

i guess i should stop here...

and my dear other half... you are not a disappointment, you never disappointed me, and you never disappoint me...
however, i felt like i am the BIGGEST disappointment that ever walks the surface of the earth...

i wanna eat!

nuff said...

word of the day: host material

2008-10-29T02:57:00.000-07:00

have u ever wanted to be a part of something that you dream about it day and night?
well i have. mine is to be a part of the quickie team. since the day i watched it in 2004, i said to myself "damn i would love to be part of this".
apparently the opportunity came knocking on the door (not really la) when they announced that they are looking for new faces to be apart of the quickie team. i said to myself... this could be the chance of a lifetime.
so i emailed them my personal details along with several pictures and a video, just to amuse them.

along the way, i asked around for anyone who knows anyone in 8tv, i mean i really want to be in this i would do just about anything, apparently and less that i know my lovely sister has an old friend in there. jokingly i said "can you talk to your friend so i can make it?" with a serious face she said "sure, i'll see what i can do" my heart skipped a beat.

as days go by, i continued my work in the department store. when one day i received a call from an unknown number. i got suspicious. i answered it cautiously
"hello" i said
"hello, may i speak to ... "
"speaking" i answered while rushing to the closest fitting room. in there i heard she said;
"i am calling from 8tv..." from that moment my heart is beating like 808 (whatever that means thanks to miss britney spears)
"...quickie and i would like to inform you that you have to come over to 8tv for an audition." she said it with a tinge of giggle. i guess she can hear me smile on the phone.
with full of excitement i answered "sure definitely! when?"
"the audition is on thursday or friday from 11 am till 4 pm"
"what should bring?" just to make sure
"nothing" giggle "just bring yourself"
"all righty then. thank you sooo much!"
"you're most welcome"

after i hang up, i went out of the fitting room and hug everyone who stands in front of me. the i grabbed the store phone and called my someone to share the good news. then after, i called my sister to thank her for her help. she said
"you're a day too late to say thanks to me"
"then i said, i thanked you yesterday right?
"oh yeah... but... why today?"
"because... they called me and wanted me to come for the audition"
"OH MY GOD!!! congratulations... now u go and wow them and make sure you made it okay"
"yes i will... i will do whatever in my power to wow them"

then a few moments later, i received a call from 8tv again telling me that my audition is rescheduled to monday or tuesday. i told them i am definitely coming on monday. then i asked her, "erm... what will i do during the audition"
"oh that's simple just imagine that you are hosting the show and we'll see if you have the host material"
then... it hits me...
do i have the host material?

from then onwards i kept on practicing (do not talk too fast, no extreme pacing, do fidgeting) so that i will be comfortable in front of camera.

moral of the story is, dream... dream whatever you want to be and work hard towards it. as cliche as it may sound, trying is winning half the battle. but, since you're in the battle field might as well you give all out and win isn't it?

i am praying to God Almighty that i will do my extreme best and He will help me out to achieve my dream... He had helped me a lot and i still need Him...

amin...

now all i have to do is, give my best shot and WOW them

i do have the Q factor that they are looking for

peace

F for Fortunate

2008-10-26T04:19:00.000-07:00

F the 5th letter in the alphabet. so today we are going to talk about things revolved in the letter F

anyways...
working in a departmental store gives you the opportunity to observe people and the environment around you. be it within the management or the whole area of the departmental store.

working here as well had opened my eyes on how FORTUNATE (first word with letter F) some people are. I mean some of these people who shopped here looks like they live a lief out of a FAIRY tale (2nd word). for instance, today i had to serve this guy who looked like a Caucasian but he's not. he is as local as your next door neighbour. with him are two boys (well not really boys i guess... they're about my age so not that boy really). as he entered the shop, as usual i would sat "hello welcome" he nodded

i heard him having this conversation with the boys
"here's Energie, we have guess not far from here, FCUK and Polo, so where u wanna start?" he made it sound as though it was a race... anyhow

the boy said "here..." so the man told me "could you show them some size for your jeans" and i nodded like Noddy.

so the boys made their choices they (we actually only one tried), and he chose two pairs and told me to reserve the jeans so that he could pick it up later.

note: normally 45 out of 150 people would come back for their "reserved" items.

so i put aside the jeans and starts to wonder is the older man their father? uncle? (doesn't look like they are related at all). my head decided to go with maybe he is their pimp.

a few hours later they returned with Guess bags (plural let me remind you)and some other bags from other high end shops.

the boy showed the man the jeans and the man said "which one do you want? how about u take both" from then on i just shut down and turned myself into a drone and ignore eveything...
dammit! how could they be so lucky?

anyhow... i am fortunate myself...
for the first time after more than 10 years, i had my first birthday bash. it's kinda pathetic though because it was my plan and i had to invite most of the guests. however, i am extremely FORTUNATE to have a lover who is really understanding and a star. This person had prepared everything for me; the location, the food, the arrangement.
it's just heartwarming and i felt like i am the luckiest person in the world.
like a friend of mine told "this person knows pretty much everything, this person is a keeper" this i will never forget.

moral of the story is...
we are all fortunate in one way or the other. be thankful of what we have and work hard to have more. don't rely too much on people because they could use it against you. (that's a note to myself too)

enough rambling
full stop.

word of the day: Introduction

2008-09-26T20:27:00.000-07:00

welcome to the world of word where words are not merely alphabets put together, but it is the place where something new is learned day by day from words itself.

as for an introduction, today's word is:

(how convenient)

a long word (as comparison to me) but it consists of lotsa small words that could convey the same meaning
hi
hello
howdy
salam
sawadee
namstee
etc

these little word could make a stranger becomes someone familiar. interesting isn't it?
introduction can either break you or make you

for instance in the world of stage play
it was believed that the first 10 minutes (or 30 minutes) will determine the quality of the play. interesting eh? within that time is the introduction of the play. so if the audience starts to yawn or starts leaving or go to the toilet then, it is not a goodnews i might say.

another instance would be in writing
the introduction will bring the reader to the points of your writing. in it, you will have your thesis statement that will allow your audience (reader) know what are the content of the writing. if the thesis statement is weak... within 3 second the reader will put down your piece...

same goes in life. in this world of appearance, our physical look is considered as our introduction to the world. People would obviously take someone who dressed impeccably smart as someone nice, or someone they want to be with. on the other hand if that person dresses shabbily, people will try to avoid them. how shallow we are

rest assure INTRODUCTION of a person is not only skin deep (similar to beauty) but there are more than meets the eye.
bare in mind that action, behavior, choice of words uttered can be the strongest introduction of a person towards the world.

keep that in mind as my INTRODUCTION to you

peace and love

wordwizard