Thursday, November 27, 2008

people with mission

"Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone's task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it."
Viktor E. Frankl

everyone on this planet has his/her own mission in life. Be it to annoy younger siblings or to gain wealth or to travel the globe or anything. Each and every individual has their own mission in life.Like what Mr. Frankl said, it cannot be replaced for life itself cannot be repeated so like it or not we have to embrace the mission with our heart. This is because these mission that we received will mold us into who or what we are.

my other half is going on his/her mission on the day that i myself will embark on my mission. both of our missions are different yet, it is what we received and we have to face it because we have to do it.

my mission starts on the 28th where it is my first day shoot for the drama series. it is my mission to excel in this because this where i am going to proof myself:
- that i was created to be a star (vain i know)
- to proof to my dad that i am worth something
- to show to my mother that all her sacrifice worth while
- to show my other half that i am achieving our dreams and i will not abandon our relationship
- to show to my friends that their faith and support worth while
- to show those skeptics that i can do it

i am worried about my other half's mission it is more dangerous than mine. but i have full faith in Allah and He knows that whatever mission that he puts him/her through it's for the best.

as for me, i have no idea how to face the battle this 28th, i have no script, i was told that the script will be on the spot, and i have no idea when is the call time. (that's the downside of showbiz, u have to be on your feet always...)

i am utmost happy with the opportunity and i will do my utmost best to make my time worth while there...




whatever life puts you through, always know that He has His own reason for doing it. Face it with dignity and learn from it

nuff said!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

of men and gem

insan dan manikam by M.Nasir

Ya insan yang hadir (oh those who present)
Dengarkan semua (listen all)
Ku isytiharkan dengan hati terbuka (i'll declare to you whole heartedly)
Ya insan yang daif (oh poor man)
Insaflah semua (repent now)
Manikam yang di sangkakan (the gem that you thought)
Bukan yang asli (was not a genuine)
Hanya seiras dan serupa (only similar and alike)
Ya insan yang hagas (oh boastful ones)
Awasilah semua (all must beware)
Maya yang indah (a beautiful illusion)
Ada kudisnya (has her own flaws)
Jangan terpedaya (oh don't be fooled)

Angin yang membawa berita (the wind that brings news)
Pancaindera yang memang lemah (our weak human nature)
Mudah terkeliru (easily deceived)

Pak tua menangis sendiri (An old man cried alone)
Mengenangkan nasib diri (contemplating fate of life)
Walaupun puas mencari (though he's been searching his life)
Namun belum ketemui (yet, he found none)
Cik Buyung riang selalu (a young lady, happy everyday)
Damai dan senang hati (peace and complete)
Walaupun tak berusaha (though she never tried)
Dia ketemui (she has found...)

Dia ketemui (she found)
Apa dicari (what she searched)
Dia ketemui (she has found)
Yang abadi (the eternity)
Dia ketemui (she has found)

Alam yang membawa cerita (nature that brings news)
Pancaindera yang memang lemah (our human nature that is weak)
Mudah terkeliru (easily deceived)


the first time i heard this song was when i was 5 or 6 years old. my mother has been a huge fan of M.Nasir (one of the greatest artist in the country) so i practically grew up listening to song like this.

this song in particular is a very very deep song. one can relate to it. i know i could. it tells how real the world is no matter how nice and lovely something is, it sure has flaws. just like us. just like me.

and being human, it is our nature to be weak and be susceptible to accept anything nice without thinking of the repercussion. well... that's human right?

i love the part where he told that one person search something his whole life and found nothing while the other doesn't do anything yet, she finds it. whatever she was searching for...

in life it is like that. you might search the world for something but found nothing. however, when you weren't looking for it, it's there.
that's just life

note to self... i should learn to not to take things personally...

it's a very nice song anyways...

nuff said...

sudden burst of realization

call me silly but i just found out that "you are my sunshine" is a very sad song.

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
you never know dear
How much i love you
Please don't take
My sunshine away...

tell me how can that not be sad? i mean how the persona practically begged for the sunshine to not to go away. worst thing is it is his/her ONLY sunshine. honestly i cried when i heard it... and it played in my head time and time again...

deep in my heart i beg to GOD
please don't take MY sunshine away...
i can't live without it,
my whole world be dark and gloomy,
i will be lost,
please oh please don't take away my sunshine...
i really really need it...


"eyes hurt, hands shiver"
- hush hush by PCD

i have no idea but lately i feel like there's a huge boulder resting up my shoulder. i am tired physically, mentally and emotionally and i have no idea why. i feel like i am the greek god atlas carrying the globe on his back (although it was a huge misconception towards the greek god)

i have no idea why i feel like this. i want to talk about it but i have no idea who would listen to me and not being judgmental or relate it to him/her or think that he/she had caused it.
because i have no idea why i feel this way.
i wish i could be someone who could blame everyone and everything for making me feel the way i do.
i can't because i am not like that.

i wish that i could just scream and then vanish and start things over again. like reborn or something like that.
but i can't because i am don't have that sort of power.

i wish i could stop wishing and move on.

i wish i could be me and not care about lotsa things anymore
money, feelings, other people...
i hate being considerate when other people just does not consider me at all...

i wish i could consult someone or something and be certain when i have doubts.

i wish...

i wish...

i wish...

i wish whoever created the word wish didn't create it because wishing is makes people hurt especially when he/she knows that i will not happen at all...

screw whoever created that bloody word!
rot in HELL!!!!!!

nuff said!

Monday, November 24, 2008

The Call

this past few weeks have been an eventful one this includes;
1. i changed my job
2. i met my sister after a looooooong while
3. i had the talk with my other half and
4. i receive the call (althought it was not what i had been waiting for but it is still something interesting)

so i was doing sudoku on my bed at about 12.30 am when suddenly my phn satrs to sing Christina's new song, "Keeps Getting Better", that indicates someone is calling me.
"hello, Cham here," said the male voice
"cham who?" i was extremely blur
"Cham didi" replied the man
and then a very familiar voice came on the background
"you don't even know us anymore! how ungrateful!"
at that moment i realize who that guy was.
"yes papa bao, how may i help you?"
"are you free now or are u having any major examination or anything?"
"i am free as a bird" i ommited a small detail abt me working
"here talk to your sis" we called her sis because she is older that we are and she is like a sister.
"how dare you, haven't call us and u guys just kep quiet... how ungrateful." quiet and then she laughed.
"okay here's the deal. if u are free i need you to act in a new drama series with Malaysia's number one male actor. you will be sparring with him." he favourite word is sparring it makes mne feel like i will be kicking the guy's a** or something.
"it will be showed on january 1st 09 during the Samarinda slot."
i was hypervantilating...
i need air
i need... i have no idea i was excited!
"yeah sure i am free... oh thank you thank you thank you" i don't know how many times i said thank you to her.

it is one of my dreams to be acting in that drama slot. i mean it's kinda primetime and people loves that slot. it's my breaking point. howe can i not be excited

"you and Ian was selected to be part of this series" SELECTED? was she serious? selected
that's a huge word!

then she said i'll text u the details later.

and there i was all excited and i can't sleep
i called my other half and i can hear how proud the person is...

and that makes me happy...

in a nutshell

God has a very funny way in giving what you want. have faith and it will come. Praise Allah my prayers have been answered and i will do my best to go farther!

nuff said!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

question existing

now i'm being bitter... don't like it stop reading or else just deal with it!

i don't know why but i think it is UNIVERSAL RULE stating that:

"everything can do pretty much anything such as throw their tantrum, being bitter, mean, complain, achieve greater heights in life, etc., but not he has to present good behaviour, attitude, be extremely patient and be very durable to anything that comes towards him."

i mean what the hell... whenever i become slightly bitter people would say "hey why are u behaving like this?" or "awh c'mon don't make a big fuss about it" it seems as though i am the kind of person who LOVES to throw tantrum around... ARGHHH!!!!

i hate this feeling it makes me feel like good girl gone bad so what? i mean girl or boy i am still human doesn't it mean that i have the privilege to misbehave or something i am after all human i come with flaws... and when i feel like it, i feel like i want to breakin' the dishes so that people know what i am feeling you know?

i am the kind of person who lives by "if they can do it, why can't i?" so if i do things that other people do why can't i? why don't you shut up and drive and for once let me do something human like complain or being impatient, when i talk about something or ask about things i just want to get it out of my system it's not like i want to know the answer a simple "i don't know" would suffice. when it's out of my sistem i will take a bow and i will pick up the umbrella and go dancing in the rain.

sometimes i feel like i am living in disturbia where everyone and everything expects the best out of me when all i can give is disappointment. i feel like i want to cry

all that's been said and done please don't stop the music i am happy with whatever that i have now and whatever i am facing and have now i am thankful. just sell me candy once in a while and make me happy. i am trying to make every1 happy very much. if not i will be to stressed out and i have to be admitted to some rehab . not good...

i am feeling slightly better now it's all out of my system...

i am back to normal hehehehe

nuff said...