Pertimbanganku

Sejak dua tiga hari ini, aku sering melakukan pertimbangan yang salah dan percaturan yang tidak tepat.

Kebiasaannya aku tahu yang setiap keputusan yang aku ambil dah telah aku hitung apa yang akan terjadi dan akan aku persiapkan dengan rancangan belakang (back-up plan).

But lately i feel like i can't really focus, i think that i have made the right calculation and prepared the right back-up plan, however, not only the plan didn't work, the back-up plan back-fired me...

Could it be because i am on cloud 9 now that i lack oxygen to let my brain work?

or

could it be that i am just to tired to actually think?

or

could it be that my instinct starts to fade?

or what?

so sue me if i made the wrong decision, the wrong judgment an error in estimating my action...

i am HUMAN!

i need to get enough O2...
*sigh*

Salah Ke?

Salah ke untuk aku menjadi seorang Insan biasa yang ada perasaan ragu-ragu dan syak wasagka?

nuff said

This is How it Looks Like

That's me people! Lucky number 44

It was an intense months no sleep (okay la abit of sleep) and can't eat (mainly because i was broke) and the annoyances of what ifs...

what if i was not good enough
what if i was not selected
what if i screw up

until the 24th March 09, i received an sms from Julia (my ex boss from Miss60)

"Liar! you look like Rowan Atkinson meh? chace crawford tuh bulu ketiak yes! i feel sad lor cos i'm not paris hilton!! =)"

It took me a while to get what this lady was talking about. Then it hits me, so i told Azfar, what Julia wrote was what i said to Elsa (the pretty lady who interviewed me). How come Julia knows... unless... then it hits me and hit me hard!

the only way other people would know about it is that they read in the magazine...
i don't wanna start counting my chicks yet since the eggs have not even hatched yet,
so i told afzar, can we get there sooner?
(i was with him in the putra heading to wangsa maju)

once i got there, i saw it,
gracing the cover was Nicole (ANTM 5) with 2 of the bachelors Henry and Liew Kah Hoong.
My heart was beating like hell,
i took the magazine and tear the plastic (of all the months, bulan ni la nak ada plastic cover kan?)

i flipped through the pages and there i was

LUCKY number 44
heheheh

i am happy till now

thanks to:

people from Cleo:
-Elsa (thank you sooooo much)
- Ain (i can't say thank you enough to u)
- Stylist, Hair Stylist, Make-Up, Photographer (for making me look oh-so-good)

Those who have faith in me:
-Mother
- Azfar
- Anna
- Julia Lee
- Paah
- Bieb
- and all my friends (in UiTM Section 17 Shah Alam... go teslian!)
- Peeps at Miss60 KLCC

apa lagi grab a copy of Cleo April and Vote number 44

love you guys!

finally

alhamdulillah!!!

i made it to the top 50 Cleo's 50 most eligible bachelor!!!!

don't forget to vote me

bachelor number 44

go and get ur april cleo...
NOW!!!!

contemplation

i've been traveling on this road too long,
just trying to find my way back home,
but the old me is dead and gone,
dead and gone.

For the past few days this song has been the anthem that plays in my head day in and day out.I do not know why. Maybe its the fact that I am starting to become sick and tired of myself that I wanted to kill it. Maybe not commit literal suicide... that's for sure but i just want to start fresh. I want a well refined me.

It may seemed like i have a devil-may-care attitude or I-don't-care-about-your-shit attitude but i am not.
Damn it!

I am human after all.

Hopefully tomorrow when I wake up,
The old me is dead and gone...

Or maybe, hopefully someone knocks the shit out of me so that I will be harder to crack...

or..

enough...

Manusia dan Cemburu

Haisy...

selaku manusia kita tak dapat lepas lari dari rasa cemburu...

itu yang aku rasakan hari ini

aku camburu orang lain dapat menang benda

aku cemburu sebab orang lain dapat lead dalam drama yang cool

aku cemburu sebab orang lain dapat melarikan diri dari hiruk pikuk kota metropolitan ini

haisy...

mungkin ada sebab aku tak dapat semua tu

mungkin sebab aku tak bersedia lagi untuk menikmati semua itu

mungkin juga jika aku dapat apa yang aku mahukan sekarang aku akan lupa diri dan takbur...

entahla...

tapi aku tetap cemburu jugak

haisy...

korang ada cemburu?

Aku yang Daif

Ingin ku tuliskannya namun ku tidak pandai berbahasa untuk menyatakannya,
Ingin ku suarakannya tapi suaraku terlalu sumbang untuk didengari,
Ingin ku lukiskannya tetapi tak termampu tangan ini untuk mencorakkannya...

Aku yang Daif,
Aku tidak ingainkan simpatimu wahai si Kaya,
Ku tidak mahukan hartamu yang mampu beli sesemesta.

Aku yang Daif ini,
hanya mahukan,
Masa...
Masa yang berharga dari permata...

Aku cuma inginkan kau mengerti,
Aku ini cuma insan...

Insan yang Daif,
Tiada apa...

Cuma yang ada hanyalah aku dan rohku... tiada kata, tiada suara, tiada gambar... cuma aku...
Maafkanlah ku yang Daif ini...