yesterday (29th December) marks the final day of my gruesome days of shoot.
as much as i like it to come to an end, i felt a tinge so sadness to leave the hustle and bustle and the loooooong agonizing wait.
fortunately, as the curtain abt to draw, i finally got the chance to talk to mr hero guy. and i must say that he is not THAT bad after all, just that we started off at the wrong end.
We talked and he shared some of his knowledge about the industry and i noticed that he is kind of religious. He inserted some analogy about life and religion.
When he share what he knows, that really burns my spirit to go on and learn and try and make it big.
actually he might be kinda rough and has the mouth of a nasty monster but deep inside he is a nice person...
i will remember that moment forever :)
peace
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
come home
Hello world
Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I’m young
For speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They’re in their own place trying to make it right
But I’m tired of justifying
So i say you’ll..
[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oooh
[Verse 2]
I get lost in the beauty
Of everything i see
The world ain’t as half as bad
As they paint it to be
If all the sons
If all the daughters
Stopped to take it in
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin
It might start now..Yeahh
Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud
Until then
[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home
Oooh
[Interlude]
Everything i can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why i need you here
Everything i can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why i need you here
So hear this now
[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home
Come home
this is a song sung by one republic (now got updated version fea. sara bareilles the one who sang Love Song and Between the line)
it is a song about love and missing the one u love and clinging on the hope that he/she will stay with you because he/she is the source of your love
i really love this song
it makes me cry every time i listen to this song...
yes ANNA i cry alot LOL
i cry because i will remember the love of my other half to me and how i might not survive without that person~~~
nuff said
(gosh i blogged alot today)
p/s thanks K for letting me know the updated version of the song luv ya lil kiddo
..and the Spirit went away~~
if i were the city i would scream too
Last night the whole gang watched Spirit in the spirit of Chrismas LOL.
we were all hyped up to watch it (well not really we wanted to watch bedtime story but it was full and t he next show was at 1.15 am).
My sis and i went and bought the tix while my other half waited at Dome with our other sisters.
So at the ticket counter we bought the ticket the only available seats left was 5 rows from the screen. Both of us was abit skeptic about the distance but the guys at the counter said "no.. it's okay usually if i go and watch movie i will sit at the from these seat will not hurt your neck" (at the end of the show we learnt that he lied LOL)
So my sis and i were contemplating where will miss F be seated. in the end she sat
between my sis and the other sis. pity them...
(half of the spirit went away when F comes along)
at the movie... the movie starts the 1st half and hour was good
"she's my lover, she's all that i have, she's my life, and i am her spirit, and she is the love of my life..."
basically the whole 1 and a half hour was about that. seriously. if you think Sin City was bad... beware! things could get nastier with Spirit, at least u can see half naked ladies in Sin city but not in Spirit.
The story is actually about obsession...
- The Spirit's obsession with Ladies (yes he sees his city as a lady...gross isn't it?)and the Octopus (no don't get confuse with Dr. Octopus from Spiderman. in fact this octopus doesn't have 8 hands or tentacles for that matter and now i am confused)
- Sand Seref's obsession with bling-blings (she started off liking diamond and finally she wanted to get the Golden Fleece)
- Octopus's obsession with (no... not with black ink or tentacles) being immortal being a god or the next best thing (according to Silken Floss) and wanting hereceles' blood.
- Silken Floss obsession with her look ( i mean she can spot different looks and still look mighty fine)
- Lorelei Rox's obsession with The spirit (well along with most of the ladies - and occasionally guys - in Central City USA) and she's a god of death and also water spirit... nuff said
so basically it's about obsession i guess the movie should be named obsession so it will not cause any confusion to the audience.
and hence, the other half of the spirit went away after the movie and it makes me having monologues in m head like The Spirit does. Crap!
i would give it 2 1/2 stars mainly because i had some comedy elements in it and at least it does not make me go to sleep... bravo!
but then again we do need some obsession once in a while in our life right? so that we can actually move forward...
another lesson learn in 2008
:)
nuff said
peace
Yes = Good thing
Recently i watched Yes Man at the movie and i have to tell you that it was a really nice movie. Funny, yet it has a lot of enlightenment towards life. Such as:
- we must not think too much abt thing. be more spontaneous
- life is lived once, so make the most of it while you're still breathing.
- as much as it is hard to do saying yes can lead to something better. sooner or later.
- jim carey is a very versatile actor.
well maybe the last one is not embedded in the movie but i learnt it from the movie too.
aaaaanyways....
lately i have been doing things that i do not like to do, which is reporting things that i do t o my other half. (yes my dear i do not like it... but it's ok as long as you are happy). at first it was kind of difficult but all in all i learn to cope with it. and guess what? something good came up!
so i saw this person at one of social networking page (M) and i added this person up and let's name this person K. As I added K up, i told my other to check K up because K is kinda cute due to the age (17 - yes that makes me some sort of a pedophilia - shut up!) and at the same time i added K up at an instant messenger we call YM. so as i was talking to K i was updating my other half to and my other half added K up also because they have similarities. They both LOVE Britney Spears. And so they got to talking i talk to K and K talks to my other half. And K said you guys are sooooo cute. and K changed his status on YM to "meet the cute couple" the i corrected K i said change it to meet the cuteEST couple and so K changed it.
from then on, K, my other half and I communicate. K learn abt us, and we learn K. K's other half etc.
we became good friends (although it was only like 2 days but so far so good)
hopefully this will last LOL
yeah i believe that when we sign up to do things that we don't like sooner or later as the ball rolls, it will get better, once we get the hang of it.
another lesson learn in 2008. very good. very very good.
- we must not think too much abt thing. be more spontaneous
- life is lived once, so make the most of it while you're still breathing.
- as much as it is hard to do saying yes can lead to something better. sooner or later.
- jim carey is a very versatile actor.
well maybe the last one is not embedded in the movie but i learnt it from the movie too.
aaaaanyways....
lately i have been doing things that i do not like to do, which is reporting things that i do t o my other half. (yes my dear i do not like it... but it's ok as long as you are happy). at first it was kind of difficult but all in all i learn to cope with it. and guess what? something good came up!
so i saw this person at one of social networking page (M) and i added this person up and let's name this person K. As I added K up, i told my other to check K up because K is kinda cute due to the age (17 - yes that makes me some sort of a pedophilia - shut up!) and at the same time i added K up at an instant messenger we call YM. so as i was talking to K i was updating my other half to and my other half added K up also because they have similarities. They both LOVE Britney Spears. And so they got to talking i talk to K and K talks to my other half. And K said you guys are sooooo cute. and K changed his status on YM to "meet the cute couple" the i corrected K i said change it to meet the cuteEST couple and so K changed it.
from then on, K, my other half and I communicate. K learn abt us, and we learn K. K's other half etc.
we became good friends (although it was only like 2 days but so far so good)
hopefully this will last LOL
yeah i believe that when we sign up to do things that we don't like sooner or later as the ball rolls, it will get better, once we get the hang of it.
another lesson learn in 2008. very good. very very good.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
the curtain call
usually i would go and say what the hell had happened to my 365 1/4 days?
but now i am taking a more positive approach in facing the final days of '08 and embarking on the dawn of '09. I mean look at the bright side i am FINALLY completing my Bachelor's Degree after eons of studying. so there is no reason to be stressed or pissed that 08 has come the end.
'08 has been a great year and i finally felt that i am living my life to the fullest (okay maybe not YET but getting there working in progress)
in '08 i've learnt that:
1. i am still in love with the same person that i loved in '07 and will still love that person even more in '09.
2. i've learnt the hard way on who's my friend and who's not. (i am not easy to forgive kinda person LOL)
3. i've become closer to the people i thought will rip my head off i say something that's not right (that's my sis LOL)
4. in this year too i've gained lots of experience which includes:
a) i have experienced how tough it was being a teacher.
b) i gained experienced working in a boutique
c) i am now experiencing working in an office
d) i learnt how to use mac and being a designer (it's not easy LOL)
e) i am experiencing the fist of acting. (it's not as glitzy as it looked or sound but i believe that in '09 i will have my break in the industry)
f) i had a gist of Quickie (although it was not for long)
5. i met henry of quickie
6. i manage up get connected back with the people i lsat met abt 2 or 3 years ago. and it's refreshing to know how much each of us has grow.
all the reasons above are the reason why i should not feel like i've wasted 08. i had lived a great year and i am looking forward to have a greater year in 09.
so... sayonara 08 great to live in u and
welcome 09 hope to have greater experience with you...
so where will we celebrate the curtain call of 08 and the rise of 09?
Pavilion maybe?
*wink* *wink* to my sis LOL
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
The Last Time
It took me a while to actually put this up. I dont't know why i have to think a lot in putting this up. but here goes.
when was the last time i went to watch a movie that I WANT?
when was the last time i buy things that i want?
when was the last time i spend my time with my other half just strolling around?
when was the last time i go where ever i want without having to think about lots of things?
when was the last time i eat McD with my other half?
when was the last time i bought myself a book?
i can't remember all this. it seems like such a long time ago.
i want to do the things i did before. the things we did before.
now things have change, seems like time has grown shorter on me, u, us and everybody.
at times i feel like i don't even know who i am or even worse who u are...
i don't like this...
seriously i do...
i want to eat mcd
seriously i do
i want to buy books
seriously i do...
nuff said!
when was the last time i went to watch a movie that I WANT?
when was the last time i buy things that i want?
when was the last time i spend my time with my other half just strolling around?
when was the last time i go where ever i want without having to think about lots of things?
when was the last time i eat McD with my other half?
when was the last time i bought myself a book?
i can't remember all this. it seems like such a long time ago.
i want to do the things i did before. the things we did before.
now things have change, seems like time has grown shorter on me, u, us and everybody.
at times i feel like i don't even know who i am or even worse who u are...
i don't like this...
seriously i do...
i want to eat mcd
seriously i do
i want to buy books
seriously i do...
nuff said!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
superficial
superficial...
it's been a while since i used that word. thanks to my sister miss anna R who reminded me of that word. not that she is superficial or aything she just wanted to say something to my other half but couldn't find the right word. and the word is... you're right! superficial.
superficial is sounds scientific to any laymen. right? but it's in our blood. we are superficial, like it or not. we ALWAYS judge the book by it's cover. don't give me the i'm not that kind of person. example, we choose ones with the best packaging, the brightest color, the biggest or the one with the best promotion when we are choosing things to buy. there a simple example of superficial. and like it or not, we kind of imply that on human being. let's face it, we want to be around people who are good looking or at the very least pleasent. despite the fact they are a total B***H or jerks etc.
no doubt there are not so good looking people who are B***Hes and JERKs too. however, there are also people who are goodlooking and nice and all. these are what we call blessings.
i am now witnessing my sister and my other half discussing, planning and doing god knows what related to work and they are totally busy. schedules are full to the max. WHAT THE HELL!!!! hahahahaha
here i am writing blog and browsing the net. i browsed this modelling website to check the models out and i was like "c'mon i am goodlooking than this person" and by saying this i am not THAT goodlooking okay. and these people get jobs etc. why can't i? maybe because i complaint alot?
so what... some people complain and they get what they want. well maybe because they do something about it right? but i did something, doesn't it count? i am not being grateful but... gosh... here i go again... falliq stop rationalizing urself...
I AM A MEGA STAR!!!!
if not,
I AM A GIGA STAR!!!!
LOL
nuff said
"the city is at war" - cobra starship
- hey i have one of those things, designers friends :D
my final final words
COBRA STARSHIP WROCKS!!!!!!!
NUFF SAID
peace
it's been a while since i used that word. thanks to my sister miss anna R who reminded me of that word. not that she is superficial or aything she just wanted to say something to my other half but couldn't find the right word. and the word is... you're right! superficial.
superficial is sounds scientific to any laymen. right? but it's in our blood. we are superficial, like it or not. we ALWAYS judge the book by it's cover. don't give me the i'm not that kind of person. example, we choose ones with the best packaging, the brightest color, the biggest or the one with the best promotion when we are choosing things to buy. there a simple example of superficial. and like it or not, we kind of imply that on human being. let's face it, we want to be around people who are good looking or at the very least pleasent. despite the fact they are a total B***H or jerks etc.
no doubt there are not so good looking people who are B***Hes and JERKs too. however, there are also people who are goodlooking and nice and all. these are what we call blessings.
i am now witnessing my sister and my other half discussing, planning and doing god knows what related to work and they are totally busy. schedules are full to the max. WHAT THE HELL!!!! hahahahaha
here i am writing blog and browsing the net. i browsed this modelling website to check the models out and i was like "c'mon i am goodlooking than this person" and by saying this i am not THAT goodlooking okay. and these people get jobs etc. why can't i? maybe because i complaint alot?
so what... some people complain and they get what they want. well maybe because they do something about it right? but i did something, doesn't it count? i am not being grateful but... gosh... here i go again... falliq stop rationalizing urself...
I AM A MEGA STAR!!!!
if not,
I AM A GIGA STAR!!!!
LOL
nuff said
"The city is at a war
Playtime for the young and rich
Ignore me if you see me 'cause I just don't give a shit
The city is at war
Bless the young and rich
With designer drugs and designer friends"
"the city is at war" - cobra starship
- hey i have one of those things, designers friends :D
my final final words
COBRA STARSHIP WROCKS!!!!!!!
NUFF SAID
peace
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
you were born to be a star
-anna r-
so finally i reached the day of my shoot. for a first day it was CRAP! but i guess that's the price you gotta pay to climb the heaven's stairs to reach the star. to get up there is extremely difficult.
first day
my call time was at 2 on a friday. it was bad enough that they kinda ask me to find a pair of cargo pants and a pair of black boots last minute. on that very day, i had to wait for 9 hours to start my scene (of which lasts for about 5 - 10 minutes ONLY) that's the downside of acting with a big star.
second day
the call time was at 8 in the morning. oh yeah the night before the shoot ends at 12 a.m then my friend picked me up because he wanted to talked about something with me. (and i thought i had big problems) we ended our meeting at abt 3 and i had to wake up at 6 something to catch the train to get to the set which is located smack in the middle of the city center. when i arrived at about 8.30, as usual, mr. superstar is still not around. this time he made an improvement, he arrived at about 9.30 or something. my scene starts at about 3 p.m and because mr. superstar has an appointment he had to left early. one good thing about working with mr. superstar is that if he leaves the set, meaning my presence there is not needed anymore. which means i left at about 6 something or seven.
i was happy to meet my other half arriving (although looking rather tired) with a smile. it gave me such relief. so we went to get crafty to meet the gang.we stayed there until 10. then, me, my other half and our sister make our way to pavilion to meet her sweet heart. we chilled there until closing time (which was about 12.30) finally we arrived home at about 1 a.m.
oh on the second day i met siti fazurina (the one who potrayed Anita in the same name title comedy series). she is a nice lady, not as snobbish as as i thought (and others), soft spoken not so diva. in a nutshell she is nice.
30th no shoot - to honour my sister's birthday :D
3rd day
call time: 12 p.m
actual shoot : 3 p.m
basically the day went smoothly. we met our third member of the technician team. miss watie from the disfunct. girl group, elite. she is a nice lady. totally friendly and funny too. she fits in the group nicely. with achong around we end up in tears (of laughter) every other minute. nothing much going on just that the shooting ended at 1 a.m. thank god miss watie leaves somewhere around the neighbourhood where my other half live so without a tinge of shame, i asked for if she could give me a ride. i think she had no other choice but to say yes. i felt bad but i had to go home or else i am stuck there.
all in all the day went on just nice.
up to this point there were no script
(maybe i should try being a mime actor)
today (4th day)
call time: 1 p.m
actual shoot: ...
so i arrived at the location. wet from sweat, tired, and sick. i arrived took my lunch and wait and wait and wait and wait...
apparently there were no scene for us for the day. which was kinda crap. but hey i got free food. :D
to i left the location at about 7.
oh they took me as a stand in for mr. superstar who had to leave early.
so here iam tired sick and kinda hungry (though i have no appetite) up dating my blog LOL
herm...
i guess all these are tests to see if i really want to make it. right?
oh another thing it really baffles me one of the extra, acted in alot of commercials. and (not to brag or sound like an extreme narcissist) i think he is not that good looking... crap!
anyways...
i'll see when i can write again till then i shall endure all this with lotsa patience
and also the love and support from those who loves me
peace
I AM A STAR!
nuff said
Thursday, November 27, 2008
people with mission
"Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone's task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it."
Viktor E. Frankl
everyone on this planet has his/her own mission in life. Be it to annoy younger siblings or to gain wealth or to travel the globe or anything. Each and every individual has their own mission in life.Like what Mr. Frankl said, it cannot be replaced for life itself cannot be repeated so like it or not we have to embrace the mission with our heart. This is because these mission that we received will mold us into who or what we are.
my other half is going on his/her mission on the day that i myself will embark on my mission. both of our missions are different yet, it is what we received and we have to face it because we have to do it.
my mission starts on the 28th where it is my first day shoot for the drama series. it is my mission to excel in this because this where i am going to proof myself:
- that i was created to be a star (vain i know)
- to proof to my dad that i am worth something
- to show to my mother that all her sacrifice worth while
- to show my other half that i am achieving our dreams and i will not abandon our relationship
- to show to my friends that their faith and support worth while
- to show those skeptics that i can do it
i am worried about my other half's mission it is more dangerous than mine. but i have full faith in Allah and He knows that whatever mission that he puts him/her through it's for the best.
as for me, i have no idea how to face the battle this 28th, i have no script, i was told that the script will be on the spot, and i have no idea when is the call time. (that's the downside of showbiz, u have to be on your feet always...)
i am utmost happy with the opportunity and i will do my utmost best to make my time worth while there...
sigh...
mission
remember;
whatever life puts you through, always know that He has His own reason for doing it. Face it with dignity and learn from it
nuff said!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
of men and gem
insan dan manikam by M.Nasir
Ya insan yang hadir (oh those who present)
Dengarkan semua (listen all)
Ku isytiharkan dengan hati terbuka (i'll declare to you whole heartedly)
Ya insan yang daif (oh poor man)
Insaflah semua (repent now)
Manikam yang di sangkakan (the gem that you thought)
Bukan yang asli (was not a genuine)
Hanya seiras dan serupa (only similar and alike)
Ya insan yang hagas (oh boastful ones)
Awasilah semua (all must beware)
Maya yang indah (a beautiful illusion)
Ada kudisnya (has her own flaws)
Jangan terpedaya (oh don't be fooled)
Angin yang membawa berita (the wind that brings news)
Pancaindera yang memang lemah (our weak human nature)
Mudah terkeliru (easily deceived)
Pak tua menangis sendiri (An old man cried alone)
Mengenangkan nasib diri (contemplating fate of life)
Walaupun puas mencari (though he's been searching his life)
Namun belum ketemui (yet, he found none)
Cik Buyung riang selalu (a young lady, happy everyday)
Damai dan senang hati (peace and complete)
Walaupun tak berusaha (though she never tried)
Dia ketemui (she has found...)
Dia ketemui (she found)
Apa dicari (what she searched)
Dia ketemui (she has found)
Yang abadi (the eternity)
Dia ketemui (she has found)
Alam yang membawa cerita (nature that brings news)
Pancaindera yang memang lemah (our human nature that is weak)
Mudah terkeliru (easily deceived)
*************************************************************************************
the first time i heard this song was when i was 5 or 6 years old. my mother has been a huge fan of M.Nasir (one of the greatest artist in the country) so i practically grew up listening to song like this.
this song in particular is a very very deep song. one can relate to it. i know i could. it tells how real the world is no matter how nice and lovely something is, it sure has flaws. just like us. just like me.
and being human, it is our nature to be weak and be susceptible to accept anything nice without thinking of the repercussion. well... that's human right?
i love the part where he told that one person search something his whole life and found nothing while the other doesn't do anything yet, she finds it. whatever she was searching for...
in life it is like that. you might search the world for something but found nothing. however, when you weren't looking for it, it's there.
that's just life
note to self... i should learn to not to take things personally...
it's a very nice song anyways...
nuff said...
Ya insan yang hadir (oh those who present)
Dengarkan semua (listen all)
Ku isytiharkan dengan hati terbuka (i'll declare to you whole heartedly)
Ya insan yang daif (oh poor man)
Insaflah semua (repent now)
Manikam yang di sangkakan (the gem that you thought)
Bukan yang asli (was not a genuine)
Hanya seiras dan serupa (only similar and alike)
Ya insan yang hagas (oh boastful ones)
Awasilah semua (all must beware)
Maya yang indah (a beautiful illusion)
Ada kudisnya (has her own flaws)
Jangan terpedaya (oh don't be fooled)
Angin yang membawa berita (the wind that brings news)
Pancaindera yang memang lemah (our weak human nature)
Mudah terkeliru (easily deceived)
Pak tua menangis sendiri (An old man cried alone)
Mengenangkan nasib diri (contemplating fate of life)
Walaupun puas mencari (though he's been searching his life)
Namun belum ketemui (yet, he found none)
Cik Buyung riang selalu (a young lady, happy everyday)
Damai dan senang hati (peace and complete)
Walaupun tak berusaha (though she never tried)
Dia ketemui (she has found...)
Dia ketemui (she found)
Apa dicari (what she searched)
Dia ketemui (she has found)
Yang abadi (the eternity)
Dia ketemui (she has found)
Alam yang membawa cerita (nature that brings news)
Pancaindera yang memang lemah (our human nature that is weak)
Mudah terkeliru (easily deceived)
*************************************************************************************
the first time i heard this song was when i was 5 or 6 years old. my mother has been a huge fan of M.Nasir (one of the greatest artist in the country) so i practically grew up listening to song like this.
this song in particular is a very very deep song. one can relate to it. i know i could. it tells how real the world is no matter how nice and lovely something is, it sure has flaws. just like us. just like me.
and being human, it is our nature to be weak and be susceptible to accept anything nice without thinking of the repercussion. well... that's human right?
i love the part where he told that one person search something his whole life and found nothing while the other doesn't do anything yet, she finds it. whatever she was searching for...
in life it is like that. you might search the world for something but found nothing. however, when you weren't looking for it, it's there.
that's just life
note to self... i should learn to not to take things personally...
it's a very nice song anyways...
nuff said...
sudden burst of realization
call me silly but i just found out that "you are my sunshine" is a very sad song.
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
you never know dear
How much i love you
Please don't take
My sunshine away...
tell me how can that not be sad? i mean how the persona practically begged for the sunshine to not to go away. worst thing is it is his/her ONLY sunshine. honestly i cried when i heard it... and it played in my head time and time again...
deep in my heart i beg to GOD
please don't take MY sunshine away...
i can't live without it,
my whole world be dark and gloomy,
i will be lost,
please oh please don't take away my sunshine...
i really really need it...
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
you never know dear
How much i love you
Please don't take
My sunshine away...
tell me how can that not be sad? i mean how the persona practically begged for the sunshine to not to go away. worst thing is it is his/her ONLY sunshine. honestly i cried when i heard it... and it played in my head time and time again...
deep in my heart i beg to GOD
please don't take MY sunshine away...
i can't live without it,
my whole world be dark and gloomy,
i will be lost,
please oh please don't take away my sunshine...
i really really need it...
tired
"eyes hurt, hands shiver"
- hush hush by PCD
i have no idea but lately i feel like there's a huge boulder resting up my shoulder. i am tired physically, mentally and emotionally and i have no idea why. i feel like i am the greek god atlas carrying the globe on his back (although it was a huge misconception towards the greek god)
i have no idea why i feel like this. i want to talk about it but i have no idea who would listen to me and not being judgmental or relate it to him/her or think that he/she had caused it.
because i have no idea why i feel this way.
i wish i could be someone who could blame everyone and everything for making me feel the way i do.
i can't because i am not like that.
i wish that i could just scream and then vanish and start things over again. like reborn or something like that.
but i can't because i am don't have that sort of power.
i wish i could stop wishing and move on.
i wish i could be me and not care about lotsa things anymore
money, feelings, other people...
i hate being considerate when other people just does not consider me at all...
i wish i could consult someone or something and be certain when i have doubts.
i wish...
i wish...
i wish...
i wish whoever created the word wish didn't create it because wishing is makes people hurt especially when he/she knows that i will not happen at all...
screw whoever created that bloody word!
rot in HELL!!!!!!
nuff said!
- hush hush by PCD
i have no idea but lately i feel like there's a huge boulder resting up my shoulder. i am tired physically, mentally and emotionally and i have no idea why. i feel like i am the greek god atlas carrying the globe on his back (although it was a huge misconception towards the greek god)
i have no idea why i feel like this. i want to talk about it but i have no idea who would listen to me and not being judgmental or relate it to him/her or think that he/she had caused it.
because i have no idea why i feel this way.
i wish i could be someone who could blame everyone and everything for making me feel the way i do.
i can't because i am not like that.
i wish that i could just scream and then vanish and start things over again. like reborn or something like that.
but i can't because i am don't have that sort of power.
i wish i could stop wishing and move on.
i wish i could be me and not care about lotsa things anymore
money, feelings, other people...
i hate being considerate when other people just does not consider me at all...
i wish i could consult someone or something and be certain when i have doubts.
i wish...
i wish...
i wish...
i wish whoever created the word wish didn't create it because wishing is makes people hurt especially when he/she knows that i will not happen at all...
screw whoever created that bloody word!
rot in HELL!!!!!!
nuff said!
Monday, November 24, 2008
The Call
this past few weeks have been an eventful one this includes;
1. i changed my job
2. i met my sister after a looooooong while
3. i had the talk with my other half and
4. i receive the call (althought it was not what i had been waiting for but it is still something interesting)
so i was doing sudoku on my bed at about 12.30 am when suddenly my phn satrs to sing Christina's new song, "Keeps Getting Better", that indicates someone is calling me.
"hello, Cham here," said the male voice
"cham who?" i was extremely blur
"Cham didi" replied the man
and then a very familiar voice came on the background
"you don't even know us anymore! how ungrateful!"
at that moment i realize who that guy was.
"yes papa bao, how may i help you?"
"are you free now or are u having any major examination or anything?"
"i am free as a bird" i ommited a small detail abt me working
"here talk to your sis" we called her sis because she is older that we are and she is like a sister.
"how dare you, haven't call us and u guys just kep quiet... how ungrateful." quiet and then she laughed.
"okay here's the deal. if u are free i need you to act in a new drama series with Malaysia's number one male actor. you will be sparring with him." he favourite word is sparring it makes mne feel like i will be kicking the guy's a** or something.
"it will be showed on january 1st 09 during the Samarinda slot."
i was hypervantilating...
i need air
i need... i have no idea i was excited!
"yeah sure i am free... oh thank you thank you thank you" i don't know how many times i said thank you to her.
it is one of my dreams to be acting in that drama slot. i mean it's kinda primetime and people loves that slot. it's my breaking point. howe can i not be excited
"you and Ian was selected to be part of this series" SELECTED? was she serious? selected
that's a huge word!
then she said i'll text u the details later.
and there i was all excited and i can't sleep
i called my other half and i can hear how proud the person is...
and that makes me happy...
in a nutshell
God has a very funny way in giving what you want. have faith and it will come. Praise Allah my prayers have been answered and i will do my best to go farther!
nuff said!
1. i changed my job
2. i met my sister after a looooooong while
3. i had the talk with my other half and
4. i receive the call (althought it was not what i had been waiting for but it is still something interesting)
so i was doing sudoku on my bed at about 12.30 am when suddenly my phn satrs to sing Christina's new song, "Keeps Getting Better", that indicates someone is calling me.
"hello, Cham here," said the male voice
"cham who?" i was extremely blur
"Cham didi" replied the man
and then a very familiar voice came on the background
"you don't even know us anymore! how ungrateful!"
at that moment i realize who that guy was.
"yes papa bao, how may i help you?"
"are you free now or are u having any major examination or anything?"
"i am free as a bird" i ommited a small detail abt me working
"here talk to your sis" we called her sis because she is older that we are and she is like a sister.
"how dare you, haven't call us and u guys just kep quiet... how ungrateful." quiet and then she laughed.
"okay here's the deal. if u are free i need you to act in a new drama series with Malaysia's number one male actor. you will be sparring with him." he favourite word is sparring it makes mne feel like i will be kicking the guy's a** or something.
"it will be showed on january 1st 09 during the Samarinda slot."
i was hypervantilating...
i need air
i need... i have no idea i was excited!
"yeah sure i am free... oh thank you thank you thank you" i don't know how many times i said thank you to her.
it is one of my dreams to be acting in that drama slot. i mean it's kinda primetime and people loves that slot. it's my breaking point. howe can i not be excited
"you and Ian was selected to be part of this series" SELECTED? was she serious? selected
that's a huge word!
then she said i'll text u the details later.
and there i was all excited and i can't sleep
i called my other half and i can hear how proud the person is...
and that makes me happy...
in a nutshell
God has a very funny way in giving what you want. have faith and it will come. Praise Allah my prayers have been answered and i will do my best to go farther!
nuff said!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
question existing
now i'm being bitter... don't like it stop reading or else just deal with it!
i don't know why but i think it is UNIVERSAL RULE stating that:
"everything can do pretty much anything such as throw their tantrum, being bitter, mean, complain, achieve greater heights in life, etc., but not he has to present good behaviour, attitude, be extremely patient and be very durable to anything that comes towards him."
i mean what the hell... whenever i become slightly bitter people would say "hey why are u behaving like this?" or "awh c'mon don't make a big fuss about it" it seems as though i am the kind of person who LOVES to throw tantrum around... ARGHHH!!!!
i hate this feeling it makes me feel like good girl gone bad so what? i mean girl or boy i am still human doesn't it mean that i have the privilege to misbehave or something i am after all human i come with flaws... and when i feel like it, i feel like i want to breakin' the dishes so that people know what i am feeling you know?
i am the kind of person who lives by "if they can do it, why can't i?" so if i do things that other people do why can't i? why don't you shut up and drive and for once let me do something human like complain or being impatient, when i talk about something or ask about things i just want to get it out of my system it's not like i want to know the answer a simple "i don't know" would suffice. when it's out of my sistem i will take a bow and i will pick up the umbrella and go dancing in the rain.
sometimes i feel like i am living in disturbia where everyone and everything expects the best out of me when all i can give is disappointment. i feel like i want to cry
all that's been said and done please don't stop the music i am happy with whatever that i have now and whatever i am facing and have now i am thankful. just sell me candy once in a while and make me happy. i am trying to make every1 happy very much. if not i will be to stressed out and i have to be admitted to some rehab . not good...
i am feeling slightly better now it's all out of my system...
i am back to normal hehehehe
nuff said...
peace
i don't know why but i think it is UNIVERSAL RULE stating that:
"everything can do pretty much anything such as throw their tantrum, being bitter, mean, complain, achieve greater heights in life, etc., but not
i mean what the hell... whenever i become slightly bitter people would say "hey why are u behaving like this?" or "awh c'mon don't make a big fuss about it" it seems as though i am the kind of person who LOVES to throw tantrum around... ARGHHH!!!!
i hate this feeling it makes me feel like good girl gone bad so what? i mean girl or boy i am still human doesn't it mean that i have the privilege to misbehave or something i am after all human i come with flaws... and when i feel like it, i feel like i want to breakin' the dishes so that people know what i am feeling you know?
i am the kind of person who lives by "if they can do it, why can't i?" so if i do things that other people do why can't i? why don't you shut up and drive and for once let me do something human like complain or being impatient, when i talk about something or ask about things i just want to get it out of my system it's not like i want to know the answer a simple "i don't know" would suffice. when it's out of my sistem i will take a bow and i will pick up the umbrella and go dancing in the rain.
sometimes i feel like i am living in disturbia where everyone and everything expects the best out of me when all i can give is disappointment. i feel like i want to cry
all that's been said and done please don't stop the music i am happy with whatever that i have now and whatever i am facing and have now i am thankful. just sell me candy once in a while and make me happy. i am trying to make every1 happy very much. if not i will be to stressed out and i have to be admitted to some rehab . not good...
i am feeling slightly better now it's all out of my system...
i am back to normal hehehehe
nuff said...
peace
Friday, October 31, 2008
the letter D
do u know that there are many negative words that came from the letter D? to add that up, even the location of the letter is not so good. it's the 4th letter and according to chinese belief, 4 is realted to death (yup the word death starts with the letter D). Under D u can find;
devastation, desperation, death, deprivation, de-motivated, doubt, devil, deny, dangerous, disgusting and also DISAPPOINTMENT.
yup disappointment...
it's hard word to anyone....
"you're such a disappointment" that sentence itself could send anyone to an extreme nervous breakdown.
i am throughly disappointed with a dear friend of mine. i mean what have i done wrong to him that he treats me this way? UGH! i have tried being the best friend that he could ever have. when he was hungry, my family fed him (although his family is well enough to fed him). when he needs a place to stay i without hesitation provide him shelter for the night. but is this they way he repays me? if this is the way, i suggest just keep it to yourself...
i am sitting here staring at the screen and the blinking cursor thinking of what am i going to write... my head is throbbing, my heart is aching, and i just can't focus...
my other half... i need you and i miss you so much...
i guess i should stop here...
and my dear other half... you are not a disappointment, you never disappointed me, and you never disappoint me...
however, i felt like i am the BIGGEST disappointment that ever walks the surface of the earth...
i wanna eat!
nuff said...
devastation, desperation, death, deprivation, de-motivated, doubt, devil, deny, dangerous, disgusting and also DISAPPOINTMENT.
yup disappointment...
it's hard word to anyone....
"you're such a disappointment" that sentence itself could send anyone to an extreme nervous breakdown.
i am throughly disappointed with a dear friend of mine. i mean what have i done wrong to him that he treats me this way? UGH! i have tried being the best friend that he could ever have. when he was hungry, my family fed him (although his family is well enough to fed him). when he needs a place to stay i without hesitation provide him shelter for the night. but is this they way he repays me? if this is the way, i suggest just keep it to yourself...
i am sitting here staring at the screen and the blinking cursor thinking of what am i going to write... my head is throbbing, my heart is aching, and i just can't focus...
my other half... i need you and i miss you so much...
i guess i should stop here...
and my dear other half... you are not a disappointment, you never disappointed me, and you never disappoint me...
however, i felt like i am the BIGGEST disappointment that ever walks the surface of the earth...
i wanna eat!
nuff said...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
word of the day: host material
have u ever wanted to be a part of something that you dream about it day and night?
well i have. mine is to be a part of the quickie team. since the day i watched it in 2004, i said to myself "damn i would love to be part of this".
apparently the opportunity came knocking on the door (not really la) when they announced that they are looking for new faces to be apart of the quickie team. i said to myself... this could be the chance of a lifetime.
so i emailed them my personal details along with several pictures and a video, just to amuse them.
along the way, i asked around for anyone who knows anyone in 8tv, i mean i really want to be in this i would do just about anything, apparently and less that i know my lovely sister has an old friend in there. jokingly i said "can you talk to your friend so i can make it?" with a serious face she said "sure, i'll see what i can do" my heart skipped a beat.
as days go by, i continued my work in the department store. when one day i received a call from an unknown number. i got suspicious. i answered it cautiously
"hello" i said
"hello, may i speak to ... "
"speaking" i answered while rushing to the closest fitting room. in there i heard she said;
"i am calling from 8tv..." from that moment my heart is beating like 808 (whatever that means thanks to miss britney spears)
"...quickie and i would like to inform you that you have to come over to 8tv for an audition." she said it with a tinge of giggle. i guess she can hear me smile on the phone.
with full of excitement i answered "sure definitely! when?"
"the audition is on thursday or friday from 11 am till 4 pm"
"what should bring?" just to make sure
"nothing" giggle "just bring yourself"
"all righty then. thank you sooo much!"
"you're most welcome"
after i hang up, i went out of the fitting room and hug everyone who stands in front of me. the i grabbed the store phone and called my someone to share the good news. then after, i called my sister to thank her for her help. she said
"you're a day too late to say thanks to me"
"then i said, i thanked you yesterday right?
"oh yeah... but... why today?"
"because... they called me and wanted me to come for the audition"
"OH MY GOD!!! congratulations... now u go and wow them and make sure you made it okay"
"yes i will... i will do whatever in my power to wow them"
then a few moments later, i received a call from 8tv again telling me that my audition is rescheduled to monday or tuesday. i told them i am definitely coming on monday. then i asked her, "erm... what will i do during the audition"
"oh that's simple just imagine that you are hosting the show and we'll see if you have the host material"
then... it hits me...
do i have the host material?
from then onwards i kept on practicing (do not talk too fast, no extreme pacing, do fidgeting) so that i will be comfortable in front of camera.
moral of the story is, dream... dream whatever you want to be and work hard towards it. as cliche as it may sound, trying is winning half the battle. but, since you're in the battle field might as well you give all out and win isn't it?
i am praying to God Almighty that i will do my extreme best and He will help me out to achieve my dream... He had helped me a lot and i still need Him...
amin...
now all i have to do is, give my best shot and WOW them
i do have the Q factor that they are looking for
peace
well i have. mine is to be a part of the quickie team. since the day i watched it in 2004, i said to myself "damn i would love to be part of this".
apparently the opportunity came knocking on the door (not really la) when they announced that they are looking for new faces to be apart of the quickie team. i said to myself... this could be the chance of a lifetime.
so i emailed them my personal details along with several pictures and a video, just to amuse them.
along the way, i asked around for anyone who knows anyone in 8tv, i mean i really want to be in this i would do just about anything, apparently and less that i know my lovely sister has an old friend in there. jokingly i said "can you talk to your friend so i can make it?" with a serious face she said "sure, i'll see what i can do" my heart skipped a beat.
as days go by, i continued my work in the department store. when one day i received a call from an unknown number. i got suspicious. i answered it cautiously
"hello" i said
"hello, may i speak to ... "
"speaking" i answered while rushing to the closest fitting room. in there i heard she said;
"i am calling from 8tv..." from that moment my heart is beating like 808 (whatever that means thanks to miss britney spears)
"...quickie and i would like to inform you that you have to come over to 8tv for an audition." she said it with a tinge of giggle. i guess she can hear me smile on the phone.
with full of excitement i answered "sure definitely! when?"
"the audition is on thursday or friday from 11 am till 4 pm"
"what should bring?" just to make sure
"nothing" giggle "just bring yourself"
"all righty then. thank you sooo much!"
"you're most welcome"
after i hang up, i went out of the fitting room and hug everyone who stands in front of me. the i grabbed the store phone and called my someone to share the good news. then after, i called my sister to thank her for her help. she said
"you're a day too late to say thanks to me"
"then i said, i thanked you yesterday right?
"oh yeah... but... why today?"
"because... they called me and wanted me to come for the audition"
"OH MY GOD!!! congratulations... now u go and wow them and make sure you made it okay"
"yes i will... i will do whatever in my power to wow them"
then a few moments later, i received a call from 8tv again telling me that my audition is rescheduled to monday or tuesday. i told them i am definitely coming on monday. then i asked her, "erm... what will i do during the audition"
"oh that's simple just imagine that you are hosting the show and we'll see if you have the host material"
then... it hits me...
do i have the host material?
from then onwards i kept on practicing (do not talk too fast, no extreme pacing, do fidgeting) so that i will be comfortable in front of camera.
moral of the story is, dream... dream whatever you want to be and work hard towards it. as cliche as it may sound, trying is winning half the battle. but, since you're in the battle field might as well you give all out and win isn't it?
i am praying to God Almighty that i will do my extreme best and He will help me out to achieve my dream... He had helped me a lot and i still need Him...
amin...
now all i have to do is, give my best shot and WOW them
i do have the Q factor that they are looking for
peace
Sunday, October 26, 2008
F for Fortunate
F the 5th letter in the alphabet. so today we are going to talk about things revolved in the letter F
anyways...
working in a departmental store gives you the opportunity to observe people and the environment around you. be it within the management or the whole area of the departmental store.
working here as well had opened my eyes on how FORTUNATE (first word with letter F) some people are. I mean some of these people who shopped here looks like they live a lief out of a FAIRY tale (2nd word). for instance, today i had to serve this guy who looked like a Caucasian but he's not. he is as local as your next door neighbour. with him are two boys (well not really boys i guess... they're about my age so not that boy really). as he entered the shop, as usual i would sat "hello welcome" he nodded
i heard him having this conversation with the boys
"here's Energie, we have guess not far from here, FCUK and Polo, so where u wanna start?" he made it sound as though it was a race... anyhow
the boy said "here..." so the man told me "could you show them some size for your jeans" and i nodded like Noddy.
so the boys made their choices they (we actually only one tried), and he chose two pairs and told me to reserve the jeans so that he could pick it up later.
note: normally 45 out of 150 people would come back for their "reserved" items.
so i put aside the jeans and starts to wonder is the older man their father? uncle? (doesn't look like they are related at all). my head decided to go with maybe he is their pimp.
a few hours later they returned with Guess bags (plural let me remind you)and some other bags from other high end shops.
the boy showed the man the jeans and the man said "which one do you want? how about u take both" from then on i just shut down and turned myself into a drone and ignore eveything...
dammit! how could they be so lucky?
anyhow... i am fortunate myself...
for the first time after more than 10 years, i had my first birthday bash. it's kinda pathetic though because it was my plan and i had to invite most of the guests. however, i am extremely FORTUNATE to have a lover who is really understanding and a star. This person had prepared everything for me; the location, the food, the arrangement.
it's just heartwarming and i felt like i am the luckiest person in the world.
like a friend of mine told "this person knows pretty much everything, this person is a keeper" this i will never forget.
moral of the story is...
we are all fortunate in one way or the other. be thankful of what we have and work hard to have more. don't rely too much on people because they could use it against you. (that's a note to myself too)
enough rambling
full stop.
anyways...
working in a departmental store gives you the opportunity to observe people and the environment around you. be it within the management or the whole area of the departmental store.
working here as well had opened my eyes on how FORTUNATE (first word with letter F) some people are. I mean some of these people who shopped here looks like they live a lief out of a FAIRY tale (2nd word). for instance, today i had to serve this guy who looked like a Caucasian but he's not. he is as local as your next door neighbour. with him are two boys (well not really boys i guess... they're about my age so not that boy really). as he entered the shop, as usual i would sat "hello welcome" he nodded
i heard him having this conversation with the boys
"here's Energie, we have guess not far from here, FCUK and Polo, so where u wanna start?" he made it sound as though it was a race... anyhow
the boy said "here..." so the man told me "could you show them some size for your jeans" and i nodded like Noddy.
so the boys made their choices they (we actually only one tried), and he chose two pairs and told me to reserve the jeans so that he could pick it up later.
note: normally 45 out of 150 people would come back for their "reserved" items.
so i put aside the jeans and starts to wonder is the older man their father? uncle? (doesn't look like they are related at all). my head decided to go with maybe he is their pimp.
a few hours later they returned with Guess bags (plural let me remind you)and some other bags from other high end shops.
the boy showed the man the jeans and the man said "which one do you want? how about u take both" from then on i just shut down and turned myself into a drone and ignore eveything...
dammit! how could they be so lucky?
anyhow... i am fortunate myself...
for the first time after more than 10 years, i had my first birthday bash. it's kinda pathetic though because it was my plan and i had to invite most of the guests. however, i am extremely FORTUNATE to have a lover who is really understanding and a star. This person had prepared everything for me; the location, the food, the arrangement.
it's just heartwarming and i felt like i am the luckiest person in the world.
like a friend of mine told "this person knows pretty much everything, this person is a keeper" this i will never forget.
moral of the story is...
we are all fortunate in one way or the other. be thankful of what we have and work hard to have more. don't rely too much on people because they could use it against you. (that's a note to myself too)
enough rambling
full stop.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
word of the day: Introduction
welcome to the world of word where words are not merely alphabets put together, but it is the place where something new is learned day by day from words itself.
as for an introduction, today's word is:
(how convenient)
a long word (as comparison to me) but it consists of lotsa small words that could convey the same meaning
hi
hello
howdy
salam
sawadee
namstee
etc
these little word could make a stranger becomes someone familiar. interesting isn't it?
introduction can either break you or make you
for instance in the world of stage play
it was believed that the first 10 minutes (or 30 minutes) will determine the quality of the play. interesting eh? within that time is the introduction of the play. so if the audience starts to yawn or starts leaving or go to the toilet then, it is not a goodnews i might say.
another instance would be in writing
the introduction will bring the reader to the points of your writing. in it, you will have your thesis statement that will allow your audience (reader) know what are the content of the writing. if the thesis statement is weak... within 3 second the reader will put down your piece...
same goes in life. in this world of appearance, our physical look is considered as our introduction to the world. People would obviously take someone who dressed impeccably smart as someone nice, or someone they want to be with. on the other hand if that person dresses shabbily, people will try to avoid them. how shallow we are
rest assure INTRODUCTION of a person is not only skin deep (similar to beauty) but there are more than meets the eye.
bare in mind that action, behavior, choice of words uttered can be the strongest introduction of a person towards the world.
keep that in mind as my INTRODUCTION to you
peace and love
wordwizard
as for an introduction, today's word is:
(how convenient)
a long word (as comparison to me) but it consists of lotsa small words that could convey the same meaning
hi
hello
howdy
salam
sawadee
namstee
etc
these little word could make a stranger becomes someone familiar. interesting isn't it?
introduction can either break you or make you
for instance in the world of stage play
it was believed that the first 10 minutes (or 30 minutes) will determine the quality of the play. interesting eh? within that time is the introduction of the play. so if the audience starts to yawn or starts leaving or go to the toilet then, it is not a goodnews i might say.
another instance would be in writing
the introduction will bring the reader to the points of your writing. in it, you will have your thesis statement that will allow your audience (reader) know what are the content of the writing. if the thesis statement is weak... within 3 second the reader will put down your piece...
same goes in life. in this world of appearance, our physical look is considered as our introduction to the world. People would obviously take someone who dressed impeccably smart as someone nice, or someone they want to be with. on the other hand if that person dresses shabbily, people will try to avoid them. how shallow we are
rest assure INTRODUCTION of a person is not only skin deep (similar to beauty) but there are more than meets the eye.
bare in mind that action, behavior, choice of words uttered can be the strongest introduction of a person towards the world.
keep that in mind as my INTRODUCTION to you
peace and love
wordwizard
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